Huge and ridiculous crush - help!

[OrangeSunset]

I have a crush on someone at work. It’s completely inappropriate - both married blah blah.

I don’t want to, and will not, act on it, but the extent of the crush is messing with my head somewhat. I don’t want it any longer! I am in danger of behaving in an undignified manner just in terms of generally getting flustered and being a bit silly.

While my head tells me it’s ridiculous, and just to not think about it, the damn man is invading my thoughts every waking hour. It’s affecting my ability to concentrate on anything else.

And to be honest, part of me has indulged it as it’s a fabulous distraction from the current general madness.

But, enough. I need this gone from my head and to regain dignity and maturity!

Sadly I have to see him approx once per week so just avoiding is not an option. Do I need hypnostising? Or a mantra? I would seriously pay large sums at the moment to wake up tomorrow and never think of him again in that way.

Help and advise gratefully received!

@Bunnymumy

Lol 'limerence definition' Soooooo...a crush then xD

Let's not use fancy words to romanticize a perfectly ordinary occurrence guys come on. Or before we know it we'll be in 'unrequited love's territory and that way madness lies. Madness and ice cream binges on the sofa in your pants.

Yes!

Oh I totally understand!!! Can't offer any advice (loving the others) but I am feeling exactly the same about a guy at work and keep fantasising about him (he has no idea and is married with kids, as am I!) I just love the feeling of butterflies when I think about him and all the 'what ifs' / if I had my time over again etc...

@Lilybo7 it’s the butterflies that I want rid of! Quite speedily! Do you not find it distracting when trying to work/be professional/whatever?

I am happy with crush as a definition. Just not with it’s prescience in my life!

I've got this at the moment, unfortunately. I'm not married, but my crush is, and he's so ridiculously out of my league that I wouldn't stand a chance even if he was single. I've adopted a two-pronged approach. First, I do as a pp suggested and imagine what would happen if he found out. I think about him and his wife laughing about me together, and him making derogatory comments about me to our other colleagues. I imagine myself becoming the laughing stock of the office and becoming known as the sad, pathetic middle aged woman who thought she might have a shot at her younger, more attractive coworker. It's not a nice thing to think about, but it's enough of a deterrent to stop me being obvious about my feelings!

My other tactic is to write a list of everything negative about him that I can think of, and refer to it whenever I'm dwelling on him a bit too much. It can be as trivial as you like, the idea is to gradually give yourself the ick. I did struggle with this at first, because I'd been idealising him and thought he was flawless, but eventually I did concede that I don't like his accent very much, and that he only seems to possess one pair of trousers, and that he has a nervous tic that I've noticed during video calls which he probably does in private as well. It all helps to some extent. Good luck with exorcising your crush, OP, I know exactly what you mean about wanting to preserve your dignity.

Imagine him having a poo, and talking in a high pitched squeaky voice. Or doing a sexual thing that turns you off. And remember everyone is irritating when you live with them!

Start taking daily treats into work, would you still fancy him a few stone heavier?

In all seriousness though, as long as you know you won't act on it just see it as a fantasy, you can think about the 'what ifs' in your spare time.

I don't know if you have kids or not but a potential deterrent, my mum cheated on my dad when i was 10 and me and my siblings have no relationship with her at all for the last 15 years (since our dad got custody of us)

@Regretsy 🤣

Crushes pass! Eventually! Even though it feels like they never will at the time. Just ride it out.

Loving all the suggestions Definitely try to imagine he does all the things you hate at home/outside of when you interact with him at work.

I am currently stuck with a random crush on a close friend. We've known each other for 20 years, obviously good friendship throughout etc, never once had romantic thoughts about him. Even when we were both single. Now I'm happily married with 2 kids and then out of nowhere "boom" one day. I was so surprised I started reading about polyamory as I couldn't figure out how my brain could be ok with two separate romantic attractions at once.

Luckily we live in different countries. Maybe CV19 border shutdown brought this on? I temper it with "that too shall pass." I love DH on that deep down unquestionable level (even when he annoys the crap out of me he's still the person I see myself getting old with happily). I know for sure I would not survive 1 day cohabiting with DF as we have incompatible household habits. I keep reminding myself of those and I find it helps lessen the silliness.

Also, even if DF were even remotely interested in returning the crush, he's proven time and time again over the years with previous relationships that he puts his job first, no matter what he says to the contrary.

There, just typing that, makes me feel back to normal again! I do find it comes in waves though - must be tied up with the hormonal cycle or something

Stop panicking, OP. It will just pass by itself, in time. You don't need to do anything, just refrain from trying to rip his shirt off in the staff canteen or whatever. Keep breathing, keep busy, keep calm. This is not some kind of star-crossed coup de foudre which will last forever and permanently leave you hollowed out with unrequited love, it's an ordinary crush. Lots of people get them.

I’m too impatient to give it time, and don’t like not having the control over my emotions!

To be honest, getting it out there (on here) has made me a feel a bit better about getting some perspective on the whole thing.

It is a particularly ridiculous act of self-sabotage though isn’t it.

No, it’s not, OP. We live in a society founded theoretically on monogamy, yet of course ‘the One’ is nonsense, and statistically, there are multiple people each one of us could have been happy with. It’s possible that your crush is one of yours. I’ve certainly met a couple of men I feel I could have had happy relationships with were it not for the fact we were all happily married already. The feelings (which I suspect were reciprocated in one case, though it was never spoken of) passed in time, and they’re perfectly ordinary, supportive friendships now.

Every time you think of him try to distract yourself. Dont spend time on it

@LesNanas now you’ve tipped me into a bad case of the ‘if only’s’.....

That aside, for this to quickly pass and a ordinary friendship will do. Despite my trying to imagine filthy habits and so on, he is a pretty decent human and god know now we need friends more than ever!

Truly, am feeling better thanks ladies. Other perspectives and a bit of humour has done wonders [which will no doubt all be undone when next we’re face to face (from a distance)].