Is this an abusive relationship.

[TennisButterfly]

Couple, married 9 yrs, 3 children aged 5, 3 and 18 months.

One partner will not allow the other access to joint bank account, will not allow them an individual bank account.

No household bills are allowed in second persons name.

Second person is not allowed to visit friends or family without the first person.

All text messages and phone calls to second person go to first persons phone as well. Second person is not allowed to reply to messages without message being checked by first person and is not allowed phone calls when alone.

Second persons car is damaged and unforgivable,first person won't allow them money for repairs so they are reliant on first person for lifts to work and are collected at the end of day.

Second person not allowed haircuts or new clothes apparently parents don't need this and they are very selfish to want things for themself.

First person has pawned second persons belongings including highly sentimental gifts from family.

First person meets second person on lunch break everyday - to eat together, second person not allowed to say no.

If second person tries to disagree, they are shouted and sworn at.

Is this in your eyes abuse? I know what I think but it is my relatives relationship and I don't know if I am just frustrated I feel like I have lost them.

I think this is 100% abusive, and I think he is staying because he can't bear to leave his three children in her care as she will destroy them as well as deny him all access.

I'm not sure what charities exist for abused men but I think this is a specialist field. If he doesn't tread carefully then he will lose his kids and he is their only chance of a normal life

So you need to find out what his options are because he needs to be the custodial parent. He needs rock solid proof too.

Abusive yes, and possibly dangerous.