How can I fix my marriage? Maybe it’s too late

[Popsmummy1]

I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, we have 1 child who’s 9. I’m struggling with our relationship at the moment as we argue quite a lot over silly things. I’m not high maintenance but I like things done right. For example, if he washes up he doesn’t place things upside down to drain, so things don’t dry! Instead of just thinking oh well, it’s drives me mad and I can’t stop myself from criticising him. Or if he’s cleaning the worktops, he brushes crumbs on to the floor. I know these aren’t big things but it makes my blood boil. I have gone through a lot, lost my mum, 3 miscarriages, bad anxiety and depression. He has supported me through these difficult times. And I know I’ve been hard to live with due to my mental health. I’m hard on myself due to my mum who was a narcissists, she always told I was never good enough, overweight etc etc. I’ve been in a much better place for 2 years, but we have drifted apart and now dont feel attracted to my husband. maybe if I got my nagging and critising under control I would feel different. I just don’t know where to start with it. He’s a great dad has a good job, we have a lovely house, but he is married to him job and most of the time and I have to pick up everything else plus my own job! I just dont know what to do or where to start to solve this.

You need to go to couples counseling.

Some of the things like sweeping the crumbs on the floor are not a big deal if he sweeps the floor afterwards as he is simply doing it a different way.

However if he doesn't then you need to explain to him how his short cuts make more work for you and how you feel about cleaning up after an adult man.

Hi Op, I'm sorry you are going through this.
Has the little things like sweeping crumbs on the floor only started recently? Or has he always done this?
Some things my husband does drives me mad but we've learnt to compromise and accept each other's annoying traits because it's what makes a marriage. No marriage is perfect, everyone is going to have things that annoy them, it's learning about accepting them.
Have you sat down and spoken to him about the feelings you are having? It sounds as though you have been through quite a lot within your years of being together; bereavement/mental health - it shows you have a strong bond and can get through tough times together. Maybe you are just going through a rough patch.

Try going somewhere that has nice memories for you both; the place you got married, the place you had your first date etc. And try to make a special day out of it, and maybe those feelings of frustration will diminish and you will realise why you fell in love in the first place.

It's a tough spot to be in, but you can get through it - together

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