What's next?

[IsItWine0ClockSoon]

Hubby and I have been married for 8 years and have 2 primary aged children. We don't live near any family although we do have friends and a life both as a couple and individually. We have been to couples' counseling which, while incredibly beneficial, basically just highlighted the fact that we are both very different. We clash on almost everything and don't even spend any time in each others' company at home any more. When we fight, we'll make up and feel warmth towards each other but it's not passion and it's not lust or excitement. It's just ok. I feel unheard, unloved, unappreciated and genuinely feel happier and more confident when he's not around. He feels angry, impatient and irritated by me and says he is trying to help me but he's know he just can't be bothered anymore. He is a wonderful dad but my ability as a mum is suffering!
I honestly don't know what to do now.
Has anyone here been to counseling and kept going or found something else that really helps? Advice please because I'm totally stuck as to what to suggest next. X x

It's all very well him saying he can't be bothered any more but what are you supposed to do with that information? Is he suggesting you separate? Do you think you would feel happier if you separated?

Child-rearing can be extremely demanding on relationships and it sounds like you have both put a lot of energy into your DCs (which is a good thing) and perhaps run out of energy for each other (which is also very common).

How long were you together before you had children? Did the differences between you stimulate you or were you less aware of them then? Have you tried making time for each other? Even if only on a fake it till you make it basis - trying to remember the person each of you fell in love with and decided to marry? Unless you both hugely misjudged each other, that person should still be in there for each of you. It's a case of unearthing that connection again. It may well still be there buried underneath but without a chance to come out.

(Sorry - you don't have to answer any of these questions but i think the answers could be relevant).

My DH and I have quite different personalities and parent differently and that has created difficulties over the years but not insurmountable ones. But it has required a lot of talking and an acceptance of the other person's point of view which we haven't always managed - particularly not in the heat of battle. But many of these things have also become easier as our DCs have aged (we have 2 and they are now early-mid teens). I'm assuming your DCs are both in the early primary phase (we actually had ours first and then got married - our DCs are quite a lot older than our marriage) which is still a pretty intensive phase of parenting.

I say all this because you might find you can get back to a good place as a couple partly once the most pressured phases of parenting ease up and partly if you remind yourselves to do it.

Or it may genuinely be that your relationship has run its course and you would do better apart but it doesn't sound like that's what you want if it can be avoided.