I feel like I dont know what to do at the moment. We have a beautiful 10 month old son who we care for deeply. Since about 3 months into his birth we have argued and these arguments have escalated. My partner is one of these guys who just doesnt talk feelings; he's never been an openly affectionate chap and I believe he struggles with self worth. He works and worked alot and went out with friends alot outside of work and its resulted in basically just me and the baby being together for pretty much the whole time. When he's around he helps, but it's hard when he's never really around. It's hard when we have family time for the first time in a while and something 'comes up' with his friends and he rushes off for a period of time leaving us. It's hard when I try to have time with him but then he gets a message asking if he would like to go out and I'm sat at home again with the baby. Theres been very odd times that I've planned to go out yet had to cancel because hes had to work resulting in me just feeling so alone. I have suffered with PND and I know there were times he tried with me but it seems since I've improved and gotten to a better place, he never even tries. We now haven't had sex for 6 months. We have next to no intimate contact. He gets back from work and sits on his phone. I really try. I've tried talking to him but it turns into a row. If we do happen to go out together with friends, he says things to me about when we might go home to relieve the baby sitter but when we are out and I mention it, he denys it and makes it look like I'm being controlling resulting in some of his friends now not really even talking to me and treating me in a bit of a nasty manner like I dont exist. We have rowed in front of them before because I decided I just couldnt take him doing that a couple of times and I think they just see me as a bad person. I'm honestly not or I try not to be.
When i was pregnant and before he was literally amazing. Included me in everything, looked after me, wanted to talk to me and we were intimate regularly and I really miss it. I just dont know what to do for the best.
There are times I've thought he might be with someone else, I know he has a history of it in the past but I know that's not a thing to dwell on and I try to trust him on that. Its hard not to think.
He has an incredibly hard job and is in a management position. It's always been demanding and I've always known that. It means long hours. I have a hard job too and I've had to return full time for financial purposes resulting in me feeling more drained than I did.
I'm just not sure how I can try to put things back on track. I miss him so much and I just want a bit of us back in this craziness of having a baby, we live together and have a son so it's crazy that I feel like I miss him. I cant tell him this because he just thinks I'm attacking him and telling him hes never hear or that I want to change him or take him away from his friends.
I dont really have anyone to talk to on this. I have a very minimal ammount of friends and some of our shared friends as I said, clearly think adversely of me. I never do things like this and post on these sites because it's not really me. I feel a bit of a shell and like I dont know what to do with this. I feel like I'm doing and saying all the wrong things. I just miss myself and him and our relationship. I love our so so much and I want to set the best example for him and have him see us in a good relationship. I just dont know what I can do really.
Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry for the big long rant and pouring myself out....