Is this love bombing?

[Hueandcry]

I've had bad relationships in the past & am very wary so I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive. Before lockdown I met a man through old. He was lovely & came across as really kind & caring. The only downside was he lives a long way from me & just happened to be working nearby. I made it clear from the start that I didn't want a long distance relationship. We met once & then lockdown happened. We've stayed in touch via text & occasional phone calls. He seems genuinely lovely but I'm now getting uncomfortable. He's sent me flowers with long notes about 'us'. He's declared that he loves me. He sends me songs & long messages all the time. He ignores me when I say we've only met once & he doesn't even know me. I haven't encouraged any of this. I was happy to remain friends but definitely said I didn't want a ldr. I know that lockdown has heightened things & I've been struggling on my own but I can't help thinking this is too weird.
Love bombing?

Trust your instincts

Definitely love bombing. I suggest you end whatever this is and block him.

Yup. Best avoided (in my book - sorry).

That's not cool. I'd be knocking that on the head.

After one date that is a little odd. A bunch of flowers and a “lovely to meet you note” I’d find that lovely, but a long note like you say is a bit much

You need to actually end it. Don’t stay friends, that gives him hope. Tell him you don’t want to see him again.

I would block and delete him.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

This is yet another bad relationship for you and no, you are not being over sensitive (why too did you use those words?). I would urge you to have a look at the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid if you have not already done so; it is for those who have had previous abusive relationships.

I've done the freedom programme. I'm a sensitive person & have been told before I'm being 'over sensitive' which is why I used those words.

One thing I've learned over the years OP is that the vast majority of people who tell you you are 'over-sensitive' do it because they don't want you to be 'sensitive' to whatever it is they are doing (or not doing).

Trust yourself, you've put up a boundary to this guy, told him you don't want an LDR and he is ignoring you. Just because he's doing it in a (literally) flowery way doesn't change the fact he's stomping on your boundaries. That's not respectful at all.

"I'm a sensitive person & have been told before I'm being 'over sensitive' which is why I used those words".

Did your parents or former abusive ex's also use such terms to describe you?. I would certainly concur with Aquamarine's point that whoever tells you that you are 'over-sensitive' do it because they don't want you to be 'sensitive' to whatever it is they are doing (or not doing).

The "over sensitive" barb is indeed often lobbed at the target by people who are actually abusive themselves.

You’re not over sensitive. You’re finding this weird (which it is) and that suggests to me you have good judgement.
Stop contact with this man. It’s not normal behaviour at all it’s obsessive and smothering and I think you know that too which is great! Plenty more out there OP.

I’d stop all communication with him. He’s making you feel uncomfortable!

You don’t want a relationship with his and you’ve told him a number of times. He’s ignoring what you say. You don’t need a friendship with someone who ignores what you say.

You don’t owe him a friendship.

Yes love bombing! He doesn't know you so he cannot be genuine when he says he loves you and two people decide they in a relationship not just him.
He is either idealising you or he's trying to say what he thinks you want to hear.
Go with what you want, if a ldr is not for you then just break contact, as others say staying friends will give him false hope.

Op sounds like your with my exdp.
I had never encountered this behaviour before.
Receiving flowers as a negative this but my exdp did it to most women he spoke to, seem website for all. And the long letters turned worse in the years I was with him.

It feels good but it's manipulative and it's really about them not you. It's a trap,

It doesn't feel good. Not at all. I end up asking myself if I've given him the wrong impression & questioning myself even though I know I haven't.

Block the stalky creep.

That's insane. You can't 'love's someone after meeting once.

Cut contact. OLD is a minefield. I used it briefly a few years ago and chatted to a nice enough guy. I woke up the next morning to messages saying how he couldn't sleep because he was thinking about me, how he couldn't wait for us to be together. Freaked me right out!

Could you ask him why he thinks he loves you?

Because I suspect that lockdown after one meeting has caused you to be built up in his mind to being the perfect woman. So it's not you he's in love with, it's the illusion of you that he has created. So the first time you contradict his illusion IRL, he's going to be conflicted and disappointed. It doesn't make for healthy relationships, and he's way too invested way too early.

He doesn't love you. He can't. He loves what he's made you into. Which doesn't bode well for the future.

OP, I agree with the previous posters, BEWARE THE CHARMER !

I ended a relationship of 16 years, just over 2 weeks ago. When we met, he lovebombed on an almost professional level. Flowers, chocs, love letters, poetry, and gifts, these gifts freaked me out, and I was quickly able to nip this in the bud, telling him bluntly I didn't want presents, which he took as rejection. It's a weird, family trait of his, that in order for someone to like him, or his family members, they have to buy people things.
We bought a house together, but over the years i had to modify my own behaviour, often treading on eggshells. I was OK if I stayed on the right side of him, if I was suddenly on his wrong side he would yell, and then sulk for days, only relenting when he was hungry & wanted me to cook for him !!
Then, over the years, grandchildren came along, & he didn't want MY grandchildren messing up HIS house. I flipped & LET HIM HAVE IT.
Upshot is, we are now living as "housemates" until we can sell this house, & going our separate ways. I am nowhere near financially prepared, but the feeling of relief is immense. He is much older than me & will end up a lonely old man, as he has rowed with all our neighbours, some of whom don't even speak to me now.
Lovebombing, though it may seem flattering, is not the real world. I will admit i was a mug, falling for it.
Save yourself years of treading on eggshells when his real character emerges, and trust your female intuition.

He doesn't even know you. I'd be very wary indeed. emails or texts are fine, declaring you are the love of his life is not.

I fell for it after the first day of meeting my ex husband, massive love bombing, flowers, declarations of us being soul mates. I had low self esteem and was flattered. 20 years later just divorced after years of his awful toxic behaviour which came out as soon as we were married.

I'm not perfect. Far from it. What concerns me is that he just won't listen. Every message is about him & how he feels & his problems. Even when I say he doesn't know me he says he knows enough. It's like banging your head against a brick wall. I feel mean blocking someone but in this case it's the only way. What this has done us make me realise how much I have learned & I'm hopefully getting better at spotting red flags. Thanks for all your advice mnetters

He sounds needy,and has probably tried this on with other women too, hoping for a result of some kind..All very creepy really.

@Hueandcry I felt like that too like I was ungrateful, or weird after the first few months, but the most important part of all of it is ' He is not listening to what you want'

I told my xdp too many times until I realised it was what he did and for him.