Ex boyfriend sending me things in the post

[shakiwulub9]

Just that really!

Finally called off an incredibly emotionally-toxic relationship and ever since I have received gifts and cards and flowers in the post.
What do I do!?!?! This is for 1 week now.

I haven't acknowledged any of them as I know that's what he wants. It goes against all my morals of kindness and politeness, but I feel he is playing manipulative mind-games with me

Tia x

It goes against all my morals of kindness and politeness

Herein lies the rub.

Send him a text asking him to stop as you see it as harassment. Block him on all forms of social media/email/Whatsapp etc

You could just ignore and throw away everything he sends, hoping he'll just stop. If he escalates ie comes to your place or place of work, then contact the police.

Donate the flowers to a hospice or local hospital.

You have a really good handle on this, and a good understanding.

What I would say is to contact an organisation that deals with stalking and harassment to get their advice on this - there are phone numbers and websites listed at www.gov.uk/report-stalker (it talks about lots more than reporting).

It's tough, because people tend to assume these things are 'romantic', and that 'he must really love you', but we know that isn't the case. He just really misses being able to control and abuse you.

Take care - and do phone the Police if he comes to your house - these men can turn dangerous very quickly, and the Police are becoming increasingly aware of that.

You do not owe him kindness or politeness. What he is doing is pure manipulation and has the potential to turn extremely dangerous. He is harassing you.

Message him once and tell him to stop sending you anything, and if he continues you will be reporting it to the police. Block him and do not wait for a response. If he continues, follow through with the police, and ffs, if he shows up at your door, do not let him in or even talk through the door. Call the police immediately.

Thank you all for the advice and for the support, and for providing me with the links to organisations which help out with this kind of thing.

You said it perfectly "people can think this is romantic" - but, as you also perfectly said, this is pure manipulation which can turn dangerous. I will send him one message which tells him not to send me anything else, and also to stop contacting members of my family (yes, my mum has been getting messages from him too, asking her to get me to go out with him again!)

Mental, scary and definitely makes me feel quite vulnerable. Thank you all xx

"Stop sending me things in the post. They are not welcome. They are not wanted. Our relationship is over and I no longer want to hear from you. This is your first and last warning, I won't message you again. If you don't stop harassing me I will have no choice but to take out a restraining order against you. Please don't make me do that. Goodbye."

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

"Stop sending me things in the post. They are not welcome. They are not wanted. Our relationship is over and I no longer want to hear from you. This is your first and last warning, I won't message you again. If you don't stop harassing me I will have no choice but to take out a restraining order against you. Please don't make me do that. Goodbye."

agree with above and add "Do not contact my family either"

OK, he's sending messages to your mum as well.

Start to take a note of events OP, keep all the messages and keep an events diary. You can download the Brightsky app to keep a journal or use your laptop.

Tell your mum to block his number and if he turns up at her place, to call the police.

If this continues after the warning then contact the National Stalking Helpline for advice.

I will send him one message which tells him not to send me anything else, and also to stop contacting members of my family (yes, my mum has been getting messages from him too, asking her to get me to go out with him again!)

Jesus, op. He's contacting your mum? That is very scary. Please ask her to block him immediately.

Yeh they like to go to friends and family to try get them to become flying monkey spies/sympathisers for them.

Be aware that post takes a while to arrive atm though so it may be a week or so till the 'gifts' (obligations) stop coming even if he does stop sending them.

After that, or if theres continued harassment, go to the police, no question. Sometimes knowing you have an authority figure in your corner is the only thing that makes these sort back off.

Hopefully a stern warning will be enough though.

Disturbing at worst, pathetic controlling and annoying at 'best' OP. Sorry he is doing this. A sure sign you are well shot of this individual though.

Some good links from other posters. I would take photos of everything he sends and all messages in case you wish to report him. Send one clear message saying the contact and gifts are unsolicited and unwelcome, are not being kept and you will take it to the police if he contacts you or family members again.

Hopefully he will just piss off back to his hole.

Ignore it as it won't last last if he gets no reaction. And I mean no reaction.

Don't text that you don't want it. You just act as if you didn't get anything at all.

He's trying to hoover you back.

He will either get the hint or he will get worse.
Either way he isn't your problem.

And in regards to being nice, fuck him and his manipulative crap, he should of acted like a grown up and caring partner in the relationship not after. He hasn't got any help in that time and no change has happen.

Do not contact him, throw these gifts out (or donate them) also please write a diary of the things he’s sent you etc, keep proof of any texts/calls. Also I don’t want to worry you, as it may fizzle out into nothing but tell a close family member friend about what he’s doing so should anything happen his actions are made aware of. If he continues please go to the police and get a restraining order. Also contacting your mother is just weird, I’d be keeping my curtains shut OP!