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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dealing with Queen Bees

22 replies

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 03/07/2020 17:55

I have dealings now with 4 Queen Bees in the local area.

My method is to avoid like the plague.
But I have noticed during lock down all of them are VERY VERY active on SM.

Do you know a QB? And is there any other way of dealing (other than avoidance)

OP posts:
mbosnz · 03/07/2020 18:00

I very happily left my job where my boss was a queen bitch, and her little pet rat was her cross between a lapdog and a flying monkey.

MyBassIsAce · 03/07/2020 18:01

I tried to 'deal' with one once by standing my ground and she socially destroyed me including spreading rumours about me having affairs with married men.

Not worth the effort nowadays, tbh. If people are so weak that they are influenced by a QB, then there not the sort of person I want anything to do with.

MyBassIsAce · 03/07/2020 18:02

They're!!

namechange12a · 03/07/2020 18:07

If they're very active on social media you can 'mute' them. You can unfollow them as well.

I don't really have advice on how to deal with them apart from being polite and friendly. Very busy and a bit vague.

Busybee2912 · 03/07/2020 18:08

What are queen bees?

namechange12a · 03/07/2020 18:10

Leaders. Like a Queen Bee is the leader of the hive. These people are people others copy and want to emulate. They also direct the hive, so they can turn people against you. They usually carry a lot of social power.

Crystalspider · 03/07/2020 18:11

@Busybee2912 as a bee yourself I'd thought you would know

Qwicky · 03/07/2020 18:15

Queen Bee? That's novel! I call them Facebook vigilantes or knob sacks.
If I called mine a QB to her face she'd love it. No ... I'll stick to knob sack.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 03/07/2020 18:59

@namechange12a

If they're very active on social media you can 'mute' them. You can unfollow them as well.

I don't really have advice on how to deal with them apart from being polite and friendly. Very busy and a bit vague.

I have defriended one -6 years ago. But she is as an admin of a group I belong to -so I have to put up with her stinging all the time. She doesn't know I am me -as I changed my name. But gosh -she's a right QB.
OP posts:
Busybee2912 · 03/07/2020 19:01

@Crystalspider ha! No, it’s not for me all that stuff, too busy Wink

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 03/07/2020 19:11

@Busybee2912

What are queen bees?
She has her little workers doing her work. She sits pretty - perfect life or seemingly so. One of mine used to be extremely good friends with my ex. She set herself up with 4 other Mums and planned Mummy weekly meeting at Prezzos, two yearly breaks away -one in UK and one abroad. She cultivates people. She even named them "The Fab Four" and she didn't like it when I told her I'd rather sit in the garden with a book then go for what she called a Gin and Gossip session. She turned them against others. I remember her wanting me in her little gang -but I saw her for what she is and made friends with the Mums she outed.Honestly she sat me down and wanted to know "everything" and in a group meeting she was like a jellyfish stinging others -Queen Wasp might have been a better description. She would deliberately turn her back on people and I was like -ahem, I'd better go. She posted lots of things about Gin Mummys, always looks glammed up (nothing wrong with that) but she stings others. Someone commenting will say 'Nice family photo QB' and she will cuttingly right 'Yes. Hubby adores me and our little DD. Hopefully you will find a lovely partner soon' -seemingly nice but knowingly her and the person she posts about -she knows this other person is getting divorced and going through a rough time. A lot of stealth bragging but worse is the bitching. Looking over her posts since 2007 -she has periodically kicked one of the workers out of the group and then exchanged her -brought her back in and another one etc. It's only today I realised how profilic she has been on SM since lockdown.
OP posts:
SummerDayWinterEvenings · 03/07/2020 19:15

@MyBassIsAce

I tried to 'deal' with one once by standing my ground and she socially destroyed me including spreading rumours about me having affairs with married men.

Not worth the effort nowadays, tbh. If people are so weak that they are influenced by a QB, then there not the sort of person I want anything to do with.

That's horrid. Do you still come into contact with her?

Mine screamed at me in a car park once that I was an awful woman for stopping my ex from seeing his kids. I rolled my eyes and said "whatever". I wasn't going to stop and explain that the police removed him due to DV -he went to stay with her. He failed to turn up to court ordered contact with the DC and lost contact with all but one. The restraining order given not by me, but the court -she obvously hadn't been told that by my ex. Ignored her. Seemingly made her worse- but disengaged totally and she found someone else to pick on.

OP posts:
BlessYourCottonSocks · 03/07/2020 19:21

This sounds utterly hideous to me. I wouldn't have anything to do with anyone who sounded like this and I wouldn't give a fuck about their opinion of me.

Why waste your life? I don't do SM mostly for this reason. People who post pictures of their kids/dog/dinner bore me to tears.

MyBassIsAce · 03/07/2020 21:42

That's horrid. Do you still come into contact with her?

I see her occasionally but we have no interaction. She completely ignores the fact we were once friends and says things to other people like, "oh that woman you know is over there" 😂

GroovyGrove · 03/07/2020 21:52

Followers are usually happy that the vermin isn't directed to them or enjoy the drama and bitching = sad losers

The Queen Bee is in need of control and validation = insecure and lacking in something huge.

When you know this then they aren't that much of an issue.

@MyBassIsAce damn yours is a nasty bit of work!

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 03/07/2020 21:53

MBIA -I feel for you. I see your laughing emoji but I'd happily move 200 miles to get away from mine -she's a right one. A friend was asking me tonight about her and saying she's done something to someone and I was like -I really just want to give her a wide berth and not talk about her.

OP posts:
LuluJakey1 · 03/07/2020 21:54

We have Tree Bumblebees nesting in our facia at the back of the house. They are a very civilised bee- go to bed early, get up late and never come in the house.

Busybee2912 · 03/07/2020 23:42

@SummerDayWinterEvenings she sounds utterly intolerable! I would steer well clear.

sobothered · 04/07/2020 03:44

I don’t know why people bother at all with women like this. Avoid!!!

sobothered · 04/07/2020 03:44

Don’t they have jobs?

mellowww · 04/07/2020 07:38

Ah so there's a term for them?

One decided she wanted my DP. And wielded all her might to destroy me, because I resisted her attack. I was thinking the other day how she had lied to her neighbour about me and got the neighbour to spread things at school and turn people against me. Just one example. What she said to DP was wicked.

She left devastation in her wake and I lost a whole life but he said I was lucky to come out alive as she was very aggressive towards me.

And unfortunately I had another sort of developing QB as a close friend, too. Different flavour - non-UK so it took me a lot longer to realise what she was. Then by the time I was tripping over red flags I was v involved and DD too as QB friend was a kind of source of comfort during the above turbulence with DP (DD's DF). But then I 'defied' her as she saw it (a truth came out about someone very vicious in her family - I had decided to keep it quiet but a mutual friend mentioned it to her and she blamed me). She then showed her true colours. Literally screaming and ordering other friends to drop me. Enraged that anyone should hold with me. Thought up crazy and unfounded tales about me. Told DP I had a secret fiancée (!!!!). (no, I don't! Sadly 🤔).

She's very establishment - has uncommon influence due to her job. I've just never spoken to her again (after an attempt to reason with her and limit the damage - no chance). DD has had to just cope.

I'm most angry with both these women for the impact of their ruthless behaviour on my DC. Of course part of their MO is professing great love for my 'adorable' DC. They were visibly itching to take over and be a 'better' mother. Always both spouting advice and instructions. Always slightly annoyed that my DC were so lovely and curious as to how I could have achieved that. Given that both of them were suspicious of my kindness and openness, which they saw as weakness. I seemed to have no game plan and they couldn't quite believe that that approach could yield such results. They felt the uncomfortable emotion of admiring me despite their disapproval of my non-methods.

I didn't have a game plan, but the strategy of both to bring me down was to convince others that I did have.

I now understand that they were alarmed by my magic. My charm. Infuriated by it.

I'm lying low at the moment. Very careful who I turn my sunshine on! And getting my sh*t together in a modest game plan that will ultimately, I hope, let me help others in the way I always have. All this has made me understand and accept my own power (for good).

Queen bees are genuinely scary. They can and do practically ruin your life. All I can say is try not to attract their attention. But some of us can't help it, even if we look at the ground at school pick up. They despise us but are intrigued by our ingénue nature nevertheless. (They can't quite believe such idiots exist!!)

Just don't look them in the eye! 😬

Picklypickles · 04/07/2020 12:21

Well I also avoid them like the plague and I've removed them from my social media with the explanation I'm downsizing and only keeping family members on sm.

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