I feel so alone - someone talk to me please!

[LimeHookSinker]

I’m struggling. I am alone every other week. The other week I’m with toddler DS. I have a couple of friends - one is loved up in her new relationship And germphobic, the other is looking after a sick parent - so I have nobody to see.

I had a casual which was nice. Last saw him 6 weeks ago. Was supposed to see him 2 weeks ago but he bailed on me (again) so I broke it off. To make it worse, I told him I had feeling for him (I didn’t - but I was sad and got drunk and was being stupid) so I’ve lost that completely too.

I do phone my dad weekly but other than that, no contact.

I’m usually very social. I used to love being in the office to interact with people. WFH is killing me and I’ve lost motivation. I look at OLD regularly and get plenty of matches, but I don’t think I’m ready to go through all the pleasantries and small talk.

I’m just so lonely! I would love to be one of the pub goers tomorrow but I have no one to go with. I would have once brazened it out and gone alone but with social distancing I can’t even mingle.

Please somebody talk to me.

I’m here OP, remember you’ve come through lonely lockdown and you’re coming out the other side. Things will get better now. And pat yourself on the back for getting rid of your ‘casual’: it sounds to me like you want something more now. A lot of OLD chats are tedious, I agree, but not all. Time to put a bit more in to see what you get out?

Good luck

I think a lot of people are struggling just like this! What do you think you could do to change things?
Is parkrun back on again yet in the UK for instance? Or look on one of those friendship apps rather than relationship ones, see if you can find some people in the same boat? Put up an ad somewhere looking for people to do stuff with you? I would bet that once you get out, you'll start to feel more motivated.

Hey Lime, it's a really tough time at the moment for a lot of people. Do you have your toddler next week? You could go out for a pub lunch together.

Could you ask your two friends to do a zoom meet up? What about work colleagues, could you organise a zoom chat?

There are the local boards on MN too. There are meet ups arrange on them.

Thank you all! I’m feeling better this week (when I broke things off I was definitely at rock bottom), but still feeling a bit hopeless.

@TigerDater - yes, I think I should probably just talk to some of them. I’ve just got myself into a bit of a ‘type’ frame of mind and I’m looking for someone like my casual (he was cute, fun and shared same values - just didn’t like me enough ) so I’m trying to push out of that box.

@ravenmum - I started dancing this year (terrible at it but I was having fun) but wasn’t there long enough to make connections. I think you are right about finding something else I can do with other people. I do miss intimacy, but I miss company more.

@fruitbrewhaha I hadn’t really considered going out for lunch with my toddler but that might be nice. I do have a daily zoom meeting with my team so I get to see some faces, but have very little input as my work is more specialist and they all talk about general admin so not much input. I have tried to get a zoom catch up with my friends - the one who’s parent is sick does meet with me but the other - well she’s in the loved up stage and doesn’t really bother with us so much at the moment which is sad.

I also didn’t know about the local boards, so thank you for that.

I feel like I’m constantly talking about my casual all the time because although last time he left I wasn’t even thinking like him in ‘that way’, with no one to talk to I’ve romanticised the crap out of him over the weeks since seeing him and without any other adults in my life I’m clinging to that, IYSWIM.

Ooh, I know that effect - and then if you do actually meet or see them, then the bubble is often violently popped

It’s funny you say that. When we did eventually meet, I felt a bit confused why I’d been waiting to meet him because he’d put on weight and he wasn’t as cute as i remembered.

But then over a few meetings he did the opposite of me. Romanticised me while I was there which definitely confused me (said ‘I love you’ at one point). Definitely not how he really felt as he told me he didn’t want anything heavy when I blurted out feelings and said I’m so lovely etc, but we should be friends.

I’m mostly over it but he was someone I would speak to a couple of times a week. Now he’s just gone and it’s lonely and hard.

I'm feeling a similar way op. Due to wfh I'm having to share my DC 50/50 so am spending a few days each week alone.

I have very few friends and none of which would want to meet up as they all have partners/families.

I was dating someone prior to lockdown and we kept in touch texting each other until the weekend when we could actually meet up. He text me a couple of messages and when I replied he's ghosted me ever since! Honestly, why now? I would've understood early on but not now!

I'm no help to you op but I don't want you to think you are alone in this. I'm trying to think of things to do with DC this weekend but I'm not coming up with much.

@YouReallyAre I’m sorry to hear that. It really sucks! I feel like we were kept as options during lockdown but once there was a bit of relaxation then they could just move on.

That was the timing for me - we did naughty meet during lockdown (only twice when things started to relax) but once ‘bubbles’ were in we had a date planned - I text to confirm on the day and he told me he was having a ‘social bubble’ with friends that night

Have you found anything else to keep you busy?

I don't even understand why I was kept as an option though. He literally asked me a question, I replied and asked a question and that was it, no more messages. Why bother to text in the first place 😂. I would have much preferred an honest 'i've met someone else' or 'its been so long I don't want to meet up' instead of silence.

I haven't found anything to keep busy as yet, I'm struggling to remember what I did pre-lockdown because although I had DC during the week it was always every other weekend so I must have done something!

Wfh isn't helping because i've realised that I used work for social interaction and then didn't notice being on my own as much because it wasn't long before I was back at work.

I did join meet up a year ago so I might have a look on there to see if there are any events.

You sound in a very similair position to me 😞
I’m starting to feel a bit better now things are opening back up but also have No one to really go with . Think most of my friends in relationships are happy in their own little bubbles right now which is fair enough but honestly I just want to go to the pub ! But sitting alone with no one to talk to seems pointless

@YouReallyAre I know what you mean! A couple of days before we were due to meet he was telling me what he missed about me - then bam, ‘seeing friends and I’m going to busy with work but I’ll let you know when I’m free again’ WTF?

I also know what you mean about forgetting what you did! I only had one weekly commitment (dance) and then the gym a lot in the mornings but I used to feel busy. Now I’m just frustrated with the boredom of it all.

@Clumsyduck yeah, I feel you with the friends. Even my friend looking after her sick parent (she’s in a different country at the moment) has a new boyfriend so I can’t steal as much of her time as I normally would. I have another friend who I have seen once for drinks in the park, but she has her boyfriend (who is lovely) but I feel like a third wheel. I would love to go to the pub but nobody to go with.

If you guys were local I’d definitely suggest we just go and feel sorry for ourselves together

Hi OP. Another here who can empathise. I've found this week tough and with the rain I've been stuck indoors.

Have you thought of giving yourself a boost ... haircut, something from the sales, taking your child somewhere new?

I've been thinking about my ex as well. He just wasn't that into me. I miss that feeling of looking forward to seeing him and the texts. Even flings can sting.

When you feel up to it have another go at dating

@overweightbondgirl It’s funny, isn’t it? Loneliness just makes us desperate for some form of affection. I’ve even started talking to my ex (DS’s dad) wondering if we could repair things (we can’t and shouldn’t). Are you trying dating again ATM?

I’m sorry so many of us are going through it! The rain makes it so much worse. For me, even just being able to go out into the garden to work is a mood booster! I am tempted to get a haircut as it’s long overdue! I might look over the next couple of weeks.

@Lime Yes, I'm trying online dating again. I'm just chatting to people at the moment. Hopefully now things are opening up I might go for a coffee with someone.

Mumsnet is great in bringing together people in the same situation.

Good luck with the online dating !!

I can’t wait for all this to be over and try resume some normal life and a social life again. Maybe next year

@Clumsyduck thank you

Sometimes I feel like life is shit! Was scrolling through hinge and there is my casual, his stupid face staring at me! I think he’s been on it the whole time and I’ve only recently joined, so it’s not about me but ugh, what a kick in the teeth!

Eughh well that explains his sudden change of heart then .

Men .

Sounds like he is fickle and you could do better.

Hey,
I'm so sorry you're feeling that way, loneliness sucks.
I used a mum friend app called peanut as I was feeling the same way with covid! Its basically mum tinder, matches you on location and interests. I was skeptical but I've actually found some people I really get on with and we intend to meet up when all this is eased. Even if not for meet ups, I've found it good for chat!
peanut.app.link/yORwALobN7

Hope this helps, it's free so worth a go 🤷‍♀️ x