Relationship advice - no sex life!

[Sarahj93]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and living together for 1.
When we first got together I couldn't have sex, due to my endometriosis the pain was unbearable. Other things were possible just not penetrative sex. Regardless of this our sex life was fine and we were happy.
We moved in together last march and shortly after I had an operation to remove the endometriosis. We had sex when it was safe to do so and the pain I'd been experiencing for 10+ years had gone.
Well, that's the only time we've had sex. Once in 3 years.
He ignores any hints and or anything I try. I've tried to speak to him about it, at first he said he thought I would lie and pretend I wasn't in pain to keep him happy. That wouldn't be possible even if I wanted too.
It really is starting to get to me now, we argue about it all the time and I genuinely feel like we're past trying now. I feel like it would be so awkward.
Lately I also feel like we have nothing in common, we can't agree on any films or programmes to watch, cooking a meal is a struggle because we don't eat the same things. I'm finding lately we sit next to eachother on the settee scrolling through social media or I just go to bed early.
I'm devastated with everything, our relationship was amazing when we first got together and I'm just unhappy now. I feel like we have a sibling relationship as there's no romance there at all. We don't even kiss.
Am I being unreasonable because I feel like we need to break up? I feel like an awful person because the lack of romance/sex is the main reason.
I apologise if this post doesn't make any sense. I just needed to write everything down and be completely honest with myself. Hopefully get some opinions too. Thank you.

Just to add we're 27 and 29!

You don’t sound unreasonable at all! Sex is such an important part of a relationship, as is general intimacy. It’s not just the sex though, is it? You Sound like you have grown apart and have nothing left in common. Don’t worry about it - this happens all the time. You both deserve to be happy so end things now before you waste any more time in an unhappy relationship. Time to move on to find the One!

Sounds like he got together with you BECAUSE you couldn’t have sex. Not the only reason, of course.

He doesn’t want to have sex. You used to be safe for him, because you didn’t want to have sex either. Now the goal posts have moved.

This is not the right relationship for either of you.

The only answer to this is split I'm afraid. Sorry

I feel like an awful person because the lack of romance/sex is the main reason
Why do you feel awful about this reasoning?
If you have no romance or sex, you are just friends.
It's not a relationship.
You know what to do OP.
What is the living situation?
Renting?

I fear he may be gay or bi???
Not wanting penetrative sex from the age of 26 is very odd!
You are young.
Do not waste any more of your on this non-relationship.
Get out there and enjoy life.
Enjoy sex now that you can!
This is not working for you - or him for that matter!

Aww I feel a bit bad for you. Sounds like he has gotten into the habit of thinking it would hurt you and that has coloured his view of you sexually. I could recommend some drastic tips to prove to him you're not in pain and you're certainly horny but not sure how that kinda thing would be received on this website.

Have you tried arranging a sex night? No smart phones. No TV. Sexy knickers etc. All arranged before hand. Suggest this. See how he reacts. If he won't even TRY I reckon you should consider moving on.

Good luck.

"I feel like an awful person because the lack of romance/sex is the main reason
Why do you feel awful about this reasoning?
If you have no romance or sex, you are just friends.
It's not a relationship."

This. Lack of romance/sex is a totally valid reason to want to leave your relationship. If you were 10-15 years into your relationship and busily raising children you might have different priorities (but hopefully with at least a dash of romance and sex underpinning your relationship still), but you're not. Plus, it sounds like you don't have a good connection at any level any more. It sounds like your relationship has run its course and it's time to move on. And that's totally fine. You don't owe your BF a relationship. You do owe it to yourself not to stay in a relationship which offers you so little.

Honestly, walk away
I'm assuming You don't have kids? so why would you even think about staying together?
You're so young

You need to do yourself (and him) a favour and end the relationship!

If you have tried and talked about it and nothing has changed then you have few options left. Take it from me I lived in a sexless relationship for years. You may see glimmers of the original relationship that keeps the hope going.
I was always told that sex wasn't part of love but there's many components that complete a loving relationship and sex is one.

Maybe he cant see instantly switch from no sex straight to a sexual relationship again. It's his personal mindset. You need to find a nin confrontational way yo remove the wall without argument or challenge do the relationship normalised.
He may well have accepted the no sex etc as he was deeply concerned and caring for you but this has become part of him not and he emotionally lcked into it. Rather than try talking about it its just a case of spending time together, snuggle together under a blanket on the sofa and watch a film together. Listen to your favourite music and have drinks with candles or nice lw level lighting. Have a picnic on the floor indoors in the evening of just a few special goods and some wine. None are sexually based, they are all about being close and spoending time together closely. This is a barrier you need to breakdown first, closeness and comfort in being together firstly then you will become more and sed to being physically close. Hopefully things can develop. Hold his hand when you sit with him, have a hug and chip away the layers. I expect hes barricaded himself in mentally and is bow scared to come out and "perform" as he hasnt done it for so long he feels worried and anxious. Dont make it about sex, just togetherness for now

Have a look at this. There’s a bunch of us on here in the same situation but we’re further down the line. Many of us had early signs of what was to come but ignored those first red flags.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3926712-Housemate-style-marriage-join-me-if-this-is-you?pg=1

So I would ditch him now. It really shouldn’t be like this so early on. Go find someone who will cherish you and want a full physical relationship.

It sounds like he was happy without penetrative sex and you thought he was being all nice and understanding about your endometriosis.

It would require him to make an effort too. Don’t tie yourself in knots try to get him interested. He would need to meet you half way and if he’s not going to do that then walk away. Don’t waste any more time with this man.

Our relationship is like this but I've been married 30 years.
It's like we're living parallel lives but they rarely interact.
He's all nice and jolly with other people but miserable and controlling when with me. If only they knew...

Seriously, it’s over. Time to move on.