Absolutely heartbroken - Will it get better?

[Laladell]

Me and my now ex have broken up avout a week or so ago and its fair to say im absolutely devestated.

We were only together 6m but so much happened and we were best friends. He has started up his own business and says that now isnt the right time, tht he dosent have time and he feels a bit depressed atm wich is fair enough but i just cannot shake this feeling its indescribable.

Tried no contact lasted 3 days and rang him lastnight he got upset hearing me upset saying he dosent want to hurt me etc but speaking to him just broke me all over again, I havent ever felt like this. I compiled a twat list which id refer too when i thought about him which did help at first but even that isnt.

I have a final stage job interview later im hoping getting new a job after a few months off will help me be distracted? I havent really got anyone to talk to either which dosent help. Hes not on SM wich does help and iv been staying off mine too, i just need to try NC again which i hope will help but then it kills me when he doesn't reach out.

I just need someone or anyone to tell me there will be a light at the end of the tunnel as right now i just feel like a shell of the person i was i feel so broken

Your feelings are probably being exacerbated by all the Covid lockdown etc especially if you haven't been able to work for a few months. Try and think of your interview as the start of a new chapter and a new life. If it hadn't been for CV you would normally have been busy at work, and seeing friends and family and wouldn't have been quite so enmeshed in this relationship. It will get better, it just takes time.

Try and do something for yourself, have a bit of a pamper, perhaps go for a walk or meet a friend to talk.

You have a twat list so he wasn't really all that after 6 months was he? Remember the bad stuff and you will get over him quicker.

Tbh the twat list did work but now when I look at it it just reminds me of him still an just starts me off crying again.

Hes just constantly on my mind no matter what I do, iv not been able to eat which is stopping me do other things im just about keeping my house running. I havent really got many friends these days either my best friend is also in a bad place atm so cant really talk to her.

I just feel so completely lost and empty

I completely understand how you feel, I've been there.

But someone who uses his new business as a reason to end his relationship with you isn't worth the tears.

If he wanted to, he'd make the time.

Find someone who will. You deserve it.

By the sounds of it you should of dumped him, a twat list within 6 months, he wasn't worthy anyway. Agree with pp excuse of starting a business to end a relationship is rubbish.
It's only been a week so give a few months and you will start to wonder what you ever saw in him.
Good luck with the job interview and start dating again when you're ready.

Thank you I really hope I get it. Also helping the no contact works too as after 3 days i gave in and spoke to him now I feel im back at square 1 where i can barely do anything an just feel so so low

Just want these feelings to go

Stick to no contact. Take it day by day but do your very best to be strong. It is the fastest and best way to get out of these raw feelings. It’s so hard but if you break no contact it’s like prolonging your pain. Be kind to yourself but don’t call him again.

Good luck on your job interview and I hope that you get it!!!! Either way you have to be your own best friend and maybe go for walks or whatever will allow you to move and be healthy.

You can vent here and there are other places on the internet that you can vent as well. Although I suggest you don’t wallow. Just do whatever you need to do to keep strong.

It hurts, I've been there. No contact helps and not knowing anything about what they're up to also helps as ignorance is bliss. Focus on other areas of life and there will come a point sooner or later when you realise you don't care about him anymore.

@JustKittenAround thank you so much I realy do too, i feel it would be a good distraction rather than being sat in the house feeling this way because its awful especially when my little ones at his dads. I was doing running and cycling but have gone backwards it seems. I just hate the feelin of loving someone who dont love me back really its vile

@Crystal87 i managed 3 days eugh it just hurts more and more cos clearly he dosent give a sh*t anymore so tht in a way makes it worse. Does no contact get easier with time?

I've been there too op. It's a rubbish feeling. Take it hour by hour, day by day. Try and keep busy where you can. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will start to feel better. In time you won't think of him at all. He sounds like a twat by the way. Best to move on for your own sake.

@Eveta thank u. Its even more annoying that I care about a twat everythings just vile atm and reminds me of him too which really dosent help fml just cant stop thinking about him. Dont want these feelings to last ages and ages either x

I know. Just keep reminding yourself he's a twat. Don't think about the good times. Focus on the twat times!

So I had the interview and got on well with the interviewer should find out soon but also found out its a comission only based job so im stuck inbetween a rock and a hard place as a job would be a realy good distraction as i wouldnt be at home moping but i also need a reliable source of income 🤯 i just keep trying to think twat twat twat but still feel so emotional feel all over the place and its worse now my sons at his dads as i feel so lonley

Also went to the corner shop for some cigs and the shop man commented on how much weight of lost had to really resist the urge of a mental breakdown fml 🥴🙃

Big hugs, I've been going through this and it has been so painful. Haven't been eating or sleeping. I've now taken him back but already seeing signs that he doesn't care like I do for him - e.g tonight said he'd struggle to drive to see me on my bday because he'll be tired from work - so not sure how long this will last. I would do anything for him and I'm starting to see he just puts himself first. Sounds like your guy has put his life and his business first too.

Best things to do are to read the No Contact book by Natalie Lue and go on her baggage reclaim website. Also read Natasha Adamo's blog which is all about advice to get over heartbreak etc. Also go on youtube and watch lots of self help videos, I love the Ted Talks on How to fix a broken heart by Guy Winch.

What's so painful sometimes is how they don't seem to care like we do.

@LockdownLady1 im so sorry to hear hes being an arsehole... id probably take my ex back in an instant tbh although at the same time i wish i wouldnt have these feelings as they clearly arent reciprocated 🙄

Thank u for the recomendations ive watched guy winches a couple of times the past few days an i realy enjoyed them tbf nothings helped today though im hoping its just been a low day. Everythings just hard atm x

If he doesn't seem to care that you're hurting then add that to the twat list. If he used work as a reason to call it a day then add that to the twat list - if he wanted to be with you nothing else would've mattered. Think back to who you were before you met him (not that long ago) and find that person. Were you over-emotional and fragile then? Being at a loose end doesn't help so plan each hour of every day until the worst passes (and it will, 6 months is a very short time tbh), include long baths, box sets on TV, exercise, going out every day even for an hour. Plan meals that you like and eat regularly. Tell yourself you deserve better and give yourself a kick up the bum - you can do it and you deserve someone who wants to be with you come what may but first of all you need to be comfortable with who you are. Good luck x

@lifestooshort123 thank u, i been avoiding the twat list tbh as it just makes me think of him which does my head in. I just keep tryin to tell myself he clearly dosent want me lol I really need to force myself to get my ass and head into gear tbh but finding it hard feel like such a looser hahaha x

OP, part of your problem is that it sounds as if your life revolved around this fairly new relationship, and as though you don't have close friends you could confide in or whose company will distract when you're unhappy -- is this something you can work on changing?

And honestly, I don't think any one you've been with for six months should be your 'best friend' (at least, not to exclusion of others). It means you were putting all your emotional eggs in one basket, when he clearly simply didn't take the relationship as seriously as you did, or at least had something else going on in his life that competed for his attention.

I just keep tryin to tell myself he clearly dosent want me lol I really need to force myself to get my ass and head into gear tbh but finding it hard feel like such a looser
Absolutely no need to feel a loser, you just weren't right for each other. Take baby steps and hold your head up high and one day you'll be saying 'who?'. Xx

@Puckishly my closest friend is going through something kind of similar shes very very low right now so its hard to talk to her about it and when i do it finds it brings me down even further. Me and my other friend fell out a few weeks ago and I know theres no point reaching out to her. Was hoping find work would find me a new social circle and give a distraction

Just struggling to battle the intrusive thoughts today deffo going to try and get out the house though

Laladell, I felt as you do after an intense six month relationship with someone who so different and amazing.

It is so hard at the moment but I promise you it will pass. One day it will have just gone and you'll see it in proportion.

Use any distraction you can at the moment and sleep as much as possible.

I hope your work issues pan out, that will help.

PS I should say my similar experience was many years ago; I've never forgotten it but have been very happy since. x

@jessstan2 how long would u say it helped u get back to some form of normality, it feels like its realy consuming me atm its horrible never felt like this before?

Going to one of my friends today who I havent seen in a while shes a bit more positive than my other one so im hoping this should help