Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3

Relationships

I require a womans view, help.

66 replies

Extra1up · 02/07/2020 00:35

Hi there, i will give a cut-down version of this.

Im in a relationship of such with someone who has a partner that she is not married to but been together for quite a while (Years).

We see each other all the time, at the start she would stay over even drive out to mine to get away from her fella. Calls me every day, messages me each morning, every night, and very frequent intimacy. We do things together, cook, go out, walks, etc, though not much during the Covid thing.

Now before the Covid she stayed over a lot, dont know what she told her boyfriend/partner though whatever it was must of been convincing for her to see me.

At first i thought, and have asked her, was all about the sex at the start, she said yes and no. So i took that on the chin as the love feelings had not developed.

Now the love feelings have developed between her and me, though here is the complication im stuck with (probably my fault, maybe, unsure, naive maybe).

Because she has been in a relationship for such a long time, and her partner has kids to someone else, she has become accustom to his daughters children, and she does not want to leave him due to having to leave the kids too. She said her partners daughter would be peed off with her and would not want to be her friend. She also says she doesnt want to lose the relationship with thos children, though other times i ask her to sort this out she says she has come to terms that her partnet, his daughter, and his daughters children would not be in her life anymore.

She said to me she would love a child with me and have been trying this last couple of months for a child, with a lot of stress on top. This month we shall find out very soon if she is pregnant to me, and she said to me if she is then it would make things a hell of a lot easier for her to tell her partner to leave as she cant hide being pregnant.

To me thats no excuse why she cant tell him now to go. She said she has asked him already but give me vague information how that went.

Over the months it all goes well between us, and when i keep asking her when is she going to tell him to leave she just says "Im going to do it, i will, i will, i am" She does have anxiety, and she also has said that she does not want him hurt.

Though come on....hes going to be hurt, hes going to be more hurt when he says "your pregnant, im going to be a dad" and she turns round and says its not yours and ive been sleeping with a guy for the last six months. I do tell a lie there, there was a gap of 2 months due to lockdown and said we couldnt meet, but yeah you probably think what i am thinking....we are blummin sleeping together so whats the problem.

She says she only stays with him to help with the bills, now she has secured her job to permanent. So ive put this to her "You can tell him now" as she wont require him for the part of the bills, she now has the security of work and enough money to pay the bills. If that sounds harsh, it is, i agree, though im not waiting much longer for the next excuse.

I am falling for her fast. I also spoke on the phone to her today and made it clear that it is not fair on me hanging in the shadows, and that guy not knowing whats happening behind his back. I think its bad as i wouldnt like that done to me. In a way a feel bad too for entertaining this, though its too late, i love her.

We also spoke a couple of weeks back, and by the sounds of it she wants it all with me. Though ive heard that before from someone else, and she did one for another guy.

So whats your thoughts on this, i appreciate all your input. I know, or should i say i know what i want to do and thats just get the guy informed but not by me, so its less harsh.

OP posts:

Report

dottiedodah · 02/07/2020 09:43

I think you are kept hanging on a string here ,and she is the one pulling the strings. TBH most people who have affairs ,are unlikely to leave their partners for the other man/woman ,or they would have done so early in the R/L sounds like you are a bit on the side .She probably does care for you but has a family elsewhere with DSD and partner .I would tell her you want a break 2 /4 weeks with no contact .After that she comes to you or stays put .This will go on for ever o/w!