Think it's coming to an end

[newbeginings87]

Hi everyone I really don't know what to do but knew I needed to talk to some one . I don't want to get my family involved so here I am . I feel like my whole world has just come crashing down . My fiancé come home from work got out of the shower and said shall we call it a day . We have been together ten years he said that he doesn't love me anymore , I'm a state , I went out and got my work bag from my car in my pjs . I had got home had a shower first . He then called me an embarrassment and a tramp . I went to the bathroom and cried . He said he was going to pack his stuff and leave I came out and he was still standing there . Said he would give it one more go and one more go only . Said he's fed up of arguing. He has bi polar and I have been through hell with him for years . I think now he's having enough because I'm actually sticking up for myself and he can't hack anyone going against him . I just feel so low right now

I'm just really scared that it's me , I'm the problem x

Like I have ruined everything and made him the way he is . I am so anxious of him coming home from work . X

This relationship sounds utterly draining OP. I would feel constantly on edge, like I were treading on egg shells 🐚.
You need to do what is right for you but I would be calling it a day.

You're willing to give up your own MH for a nice house and holidays? Ok.

I know how stupid I came across even thinking the way I am . I am starting to see that having nothing is a lot better than living like this . Also what I don't get with him is if he feels this way about me why does he still want a baby . I have had to secretly take the pill for the last few months because when ever I say that it's not a good idea to have a baby the way things are he gets mad . I will 100 percent not be having a child with him . Also he had literally put me off dating another man ever again . I don't ever want to be hurt the way he has hurt me . There are so many things I could write on here but I would be here all day . Another thing that I know I have had enough is when u was a teenager I had an earring disorder. I was anorexic and then turned to bulimia. I always thought that I was making myself sick because I thought I was fat but then I started doing it when ever things got too much for me . Like in a way I had to punish my self ? I don't know if this is making much sense . But my ex was so mean to me and I remember the day I found out he had been sleeping with somone else I ran to the bathroom and made my self sick and I felt better . And the last week I have been doing it again and also not eating as much as I did . Why can't he just leave when I'm not in the house . I really don't get it . He said the next time we fall out he's gone . But I said obviously we are going to fall out again that's life nothing is perfect and he replied well il he gone . X

He's going to finish with you anyway, OP, you know (and fear) that. He has nothing but contempt for you and you're in such a state that you're prepared to put up with it.

Unless you bring this to an end yourself, he is going to carry on treating you this badly.

You and only you, are putting yourself in harm's way.

You won't be having the nice house with him or the fantastic holidays so if that's what you're sticking around for then I'm sorry for you. He will have those things - but not with you. I wish you could see yourself and realise that you can get good things for yourself, you don't need a man or any other person to make this happen.

Ultimately though, you will hang on and cling on until the bitter end, when he's entirely done with you and you're broken. I hope you have some real life friends and support for when that happens. I'm sorry.

@newbeginings87

I'm just really scared that it's me , I'm the problem x

You are not the problem. You have a problem. He is the problem.

He wants to keep you scared of losing him so you will stfu and be a meek rabbit without a bit of confidence.

You won't ever be happy unless you leave him. No amount of money, no number of fancy holidays are worth the price you are paying.

He has no friends . Just people from work . His family don't speak to him no more . Says it all really . And there's me trying my hardest because I don't want him to have no one . I'm such a dick x

This is on him, not you.

My ex has no friends, only one family member left who might talk to him. That's all down to his behaviour. His responsibility, and no one else's. I don't speak to him, the DC don't speak to him, and I've heard on the grapevine that he's a grumpy rude git at work. It's all him. He could have changed if he wanted to, I asked him, talked to him, but he didn't think I would leave so never made the effort. And now he's reaping what he sowed.

Same for you, OP. This is him, the real him, and he sees no reason to change.

You can't change him, you can only change things for yourself. So, leave, do the freedom programme, and work on your self esteem. There are better men out there.

I think you are living in fear of the unknown. Fear of change. Fear of not having the strength to change when you are so drained already.

Do you know what you really should be fearing? The moment at some point in the future when it finally clicks and you regret wasting the best years of your life in this situation. It will happen unless you actively do something about it now.

You need to become more afraid of staying than leaving. Good luck OP.

You said this... All I want out of life is to be happy . I would love to be with some one who is my best friend.

It’s not him and while you waste even more years hoping he will change, you are stopping yourself from finding that person. Don’t wait for him to finish it, take back control of your life and get out ASAP.