Do you pay for all your child's things at your ex's place?

[FruitString1]

I get the legal minimum child support from my ex, and my DS stays with him about 3 nights a month. DS now has his own room at ex's flat, and I took several weeks out of my (self employed) job to plaster, paint, carpet, put in new door frame, etc and generally make it habitable (it was derelict - literally). DS now needs a mattress there. Ex paid for the bed (at my request) but says that I should pay for the mattress, out of the money he gives me every month, because that's what it's for. Not sure whether this is reasonable or not really. He earns 4 times as much as me, and can easily afford the new mattress - and it's for his flat after all. I have happily bought things like pictures for the walls, new duvet cover, etc. And of course I pay for all my DS's things here at home. How do others manage this - do you pay for all the furnishings in your child's room at your ex's home? or does your ex pay?

WTF. He pays you because you solely care for his kid the other 28 odd days of the month and feed and clothe then and everything else in between.

Honestly I hear stories like this and I lose my faith in humankind.

Whilst he should definitely pay for a mattress in his own property for his own son to stay there, I do think you've muddied it by buying the first mattress for his place and now wanting it back for yours.

Your ex is a cock OP. No, your maintenance should not be paying for things at his house. That's all on him. He's incredibly fortunate you paid for what you have.

My ex pays for everything for his house. Toys, soft furnishings, furniture, clothes, shoes, school uniform (well, we split the cost and share). Every single thing. Which is as it should be. He pays no maintenance, which is a different matter, but when he did pay, he paid for the childrens things at his house too.

I hate to say it (because I think your ex is a twat) but if the invoice/bill you gave him when you finished the bedroom included the cost of the mattress then I'm afraid yes, you do need to pay for a mattress for him to use at your house.

If however you paid for the mattress & didn't include it with the bill, then either he gives you that 1 and buys another or (the easiest) he agrees to finally pay you for the mattress (which he should have paid for anyway) so you can buy one for home

He's now agreed to pay for the mattress (I think?) with a sarcastic email - "I'm clearly made of money, and what’s mine is yours - an adage you’ve clearly taken closely to heart".

Shitfuckoh, I paid for the mattress and didn't ask to be paid back at the time. So yes, I am simply asking to be paid back (and with the money I can by a new one for here).
The reason I didn't ask for the money at the time was because I'd already asked to be paid back for the paint, plaster, carpet, bed etc etc that I had bought for that room. And believe it or not I felt guilty(?!?) for asking him for more money. I know, I know, it's ridiculous to feel that way, but he has a way of causing me to feel bad - always has. Which is why he is my ex.

Whilst he should definitely pay for a mattress in his own property for his own son to stay there, I do think you've muddied it by buying the first mattress for his place and now wanting it back for yours.

This.

You've muddled things up. I understand why but you need to disengage.

I don't want the mattress back. I want to buy a new one for home.

No, my ex has my dd eow and she turns up in her school uniform. He has everything she needs at his house. Bedroom furniture, clothes, toys, it's a home from home.

She comes home with her school uniform washed and ironed. I wash and iron the clothes she comes home in and she takes them with her the next time she visits him

No no no no wayyyyy !
It's his responsibility tell him to do one 😡

Cm - which is not generous - is for you to pay to look after your child at your home, not at the other parent's home.

You should have gone through cm and ss re being unable to send your child to his dad's for his nights due to the accommodation being unfit to house him. You should have had the cm adjusted (raised) as a result .. and stayed that way until his father provided accommodation fit for him to stay in.
You could've used the extra to pay for a reputable overnight babysitter, or just evening babysitter to give you a break.

He is playing you like a fiddle, absolutely, utterly taking the piss out of you.

And ss also need to know that your ex chooses not to supply accommodation fit for your child to visit/stay - for everyone's sake. It needs to be recorded.

No way but I do hope Your DS doesn’t end up sleeping on the floor/sofa until you ‘crack’. It’s so awful when these knobs get like this.