Just remembered I had to massage my stepdad as a child

[Bunnyflop]

Hi all.

Had a horrible childhood and don’t have contact with my parents or stepdad any more.

Last night ds needed excema cream so he said can you rub it on my back like a massage. So I did and then I got this awful flashback- I can’t believe I forgot that this happened- my creepy, abusive, bullying and sometimes violent stepdad would often strip at least half naked, sometimes down to his pants, get some lotion and make me sit astride him on his bum massaging him. It always felt so wrong and so gross and I didn’t want to do it. My mum thought nothing of it (fuckwit) and would sit on the sofa just watching.

This is one of a number of inappropriate things he did, including trying to see me in my underwear, walking around butt naked every day (I can still picture his penis ), and making comments on my boobs and bum.

I don’t know why I’m posting this, I just feel shocked that I suddenly remembered it- perhaps I blocked it out, I don’t know.

It probably sounds pathetic, but it has thrown me through a loop today.

Of course it's not pathetic at all, it all sounds awful. So sorry you went through this.

I'm sorry this happened to you op. I think family members saying can you rub my back or scratch an itch or massage temples, feet etc is part of normal life but you're not describing that. You're describing a pattern of behaviour that made you feel uncomfortable and that you had no control over. Do you want to take it further?

I'm sorry to hear that OP, it's grossly inappropriate. Sounds like you were let down very badly by your mum if she just sat there and allowed him to do this.

You could contact NAPAC who may be able to talk to you about this and point you in the direction of appropriate help.

No it was literally him with his clothes off with a bottle of lotion asking me to sit on top of him and rub his back and body.

Am I being over sensitive?

I don’t think my nerves could take taking it further. I’ve had so much to cope with over family fallouts over all this.

You're not being insensitive at all. He sounds abusive. If he wanted a massage, why didn't he ask his wife? The rest is awful as well, he shouldn't have been walking around naked in front of you. He shouldn't have been making comments on your body.

I had a repressed memory of abuse. Year 5 teacher used to get me to sit on his lap, i remember he put his arm round my waist and reaching round to my front so he was touching me. Offered to pay for me for school trips and things. I had been completely groomed by him, i told my mum and she never believed me.

You're not being over sensitive. That sounds deeply inappropriate and very upsetting. Sounds like your mother let you down very badly too. I'm so sorry

All inappropriate - I am so glad that you recognise this now; that is the first step to putting it behind you. Men like that seek to confuse young girls and mess with their minds. Your mind is now clear, so please move forward with pride.

Sorry you had to experience that and were let down by your parents

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Maybe now is the time to ask help to put all the bad memories in a different part of your brain so they don't trigger you. Have a look at EMDR. It great at moving memories

That is totally utterly inappropriate. Not least because you didn't want to do it and he made you do it, in the context of a violent and unpleasant step dad relationship. I wouldn't want that amount of contact with my own dad either, just for clarity. Poor you and yes, your mum did let you down.

You are not being over sensitive. He was clearly a pervert and paedophile. My own father did similar. He used to walk around with his underpants on, asking me to “look at this bruise” that happened to be at the top of his legs. It happened many times, when my stepmother was out at work. He also used to come in my room and stair at me when he thought I was asleep. He absolutely repulsed me. I totally understand how you feel💐

Oh god. I hope he’s not in contact with any other children. Is he still with your mum?

I've had the same thing happened to me but the guy was a family friend who invitted me and a couple of my friends over (he was looking after ne of them over the weekend).

It was creepy and I refuse to ever go back there again.

My take on it is that you are not oversensitive. And even if you could see it as something OK, the fact he was a creep would still have been there and would still make that not OK iyswim.

I had a suppressed memory hit me in the face a few years ago. You're not being over sensitive at all. What happened to you was at best inappropriate and your mother should of not allowed it.

After this certain memory came back to me I started getting flash backs to other incidents so I just wanted to warn you that this can happen. Therapy has helped me immensely to process it all xx

@Itsjustabitofbanter no they split up years ago- she left him because he cheated on her!

OP what he did was abusive. Please don’t think you’re being over sensitive. What a horrible horrible shock for you to remember that after all these years. I’m pleased to hear you don’t see them. You concentrate on giving your little one the best childhood possible.