Overbearing MIL... Am I overreacting?

[Noideawhy20]

I just want to start off by saying that my MIL is a lovely woman who has done everything to make me feel welcome and part of the family.

However, I now have a 4 month old and ever since we told her about the pregnancy I have found her to be somewhat overbearing.
That was when she started texting me every single day and if I don't reply she texts me over and over again until I do. I am not a texty person to start with and find it very annoying, especially because my family arent like this. We are more relaxed and just check in with a phonecall every few weeks so I am not used to the constant texting.

When found out I was pregnant she then decided to buy everything for the DS. I'm talking EVERYTHING (cot, pram, carseat, playmats, nursery furniture etc.) I was grateful but it took some of the fun out of expecting our first child. She also tried to take over my baby shower annoying all of my friends and wouldn't stop going on about naming DS after my partner so we caved and gave him it as a middle name.

The thing that bothers me the most though is this. She is constantly asking things like if he has slept in his cot in his own room yet or used the forward facing function on his pram yet. I inform her he is too young/not ready and he will yet she will continue to ask me. Just because she had her son in his own room at 8 weeks doesn't mean that mine should especially with what we know about SIDS etc

She is desperate to have DS overnight and said that I NEED to get him onto formula so she can have him overnight. I was so shocked by this I couldn't speak.

Sorry for the rambling but I feel as though she is trying to take over despite what is best for my baby and I. She wants to watch him 2 days a week when I go back to work and I am grateful for the help but I feel as though she won't listen to me and do things the way they were done 30 years ago for her son which isn't necessarily the safest way. The more she behaves like this the more I pull away from her which is a shame as I would like her to have a good relationship with her grandson as I think she is a nice person.

Am I overreacting? Should I tell her to back off? I don't want to upset her but I feel as if she wants to take my baby away before I am ready

Wow she sounds full on and completely boundary stomping. Is your husband supportive and has he asked her to back off? I think you have been very kind too her so far, I’d have told her to fuck off from the start!

I’d have told her to fuck off from the start!
Well, that would be one way to do it I suppose. Personally, I'd try the friendly chat bit first - presumably she has no idea that her constant texting and over-involvement with your baby is making you unhappy so why not sit down with her (when safe to do do, obvs!) and tell her that, though you really appreciate her being such a loving granny, you'd prefer to take it at your own pace and enjoy baby-time in a more laid-back way. Tell her that you're sometimes too busy to answer her texts so not to be offended if she only hears back a couple of times a week. Then I'd tell her son to get his finger out and step up to being Communications Manager and, no, you don't need him to relay every conversation /suggestion to you! Tell him how you see his mum's involvement panning out and it's down to him to sort it. Be firm and kind and smiley with both of them.

Thank you for replying it makes me feel better to know that others would feel the same and I'm not being put of order. My partner is supportive but he gets a bit sensitive about it because it's his mum. Also I think he prefers her to text me then she's not texting him! I think I will start by having a chat with her when I next see her and see where we go from there

"My partner is supportive but he gets a bit sensitive about it because it's his mum. Also I think he prefers her to text me then she's not texting him!"

I can see why he prefers that, its because he cannot and equally will not deal with her. His own fear obligation and guilt re his mother together with his inertia re her also play into all of this.

He is completely unable to stand up for his own self here in his mother's presence because he is both that afraid and a mouse when it comes to her. He wants her approval still even though he is an adult in his own right and would far rather you take her flak. To my mind as well he needs therapy re his own dysfunctional relationship with his mother.

She knows exactly what she is doing here and does not care either.
Chatting to his mother will not do you any good nor go down at all well, this woman basically wants her own way and you and your opinions do not matter to her. You cannot make her see reason because she is at heart unreasonable. She is not at all a nice person and she could well use your words, no matter how carefully put here, against you. Why do you also call her a lovely woman, she is really anything but. Not all family are nice and kind and some of them are actively abusive. Protect your own self and child going forward from her, that would really be the best thing you can do here.

I think he prefers her to text me then she's not texting him!
Of course he prefers it, it means he has to do bugger all!
She's HIS mum, tell him - and put your foot down about this - that she's to text him not you.
How would he like it if your parents were repeatedly texting him all day?
Nip it in the but NOW.
You deal with stuff on your side and he deals with his.

She sounds very controlling. From experience, you need to nip this in the bud now, or it will only get worse. And your husband needs to be the one to have a word with his mother!