Need some strong words!

[Username2010]

* long read *
Hi all. So I came out of a nine-year relationship three years ago shortly after I started messaging this man who was extremely attractive but very boring in personality. To be fair I was just happy for the attention as it was new to me as I had been the same person the whole of my adult life. I never really had attention before. we seen each other for roughly 2 months however during those two months it was very hot and cold and he lied quite a lot and he was seeing other girls during this time also however seen as we was only seeing each other it was still quite a bit of a problem for me. I decided to call it off and I blocked him off everything as I needed to get him off my mind shortly after i unblocked him and he had messaged several times since but when he had messaged I had already moved on and I made it quite clear to him that I had. That was two years ago now and I’m still happily engaged to the person that I moved on with. However My mind often takes me back to the previous person and I do think about him often I’m not too sure why but I do think to myself what would have been even though I know deep down it would’ve been awful and I could never be with someone like that.
Is this normal? Where I live is quite small and I often see his car and I often see the girl that he was messaging the same time as me still going to his house and it makes me have a little bit of anxiety if I’m honest I’m really not too sure why I have spoken to my friend about this and she said it’s normal you want them to miss you you want them to think you were the girl that got away and I’m just wondering is there any tips that I could use to stop thinking of him? Because I am honestly not in any way shape or form wanting to be with him or anything like that Be with him or anything like that. Thank you

I read it as your ego was hurt at a time you were vulnerable and this has led to residual feekings. it

This man is boring, a liar and not someone you can trust. You dodged a bullet. I am wondering who would stay with him?

I believe your problem is your self esteem isn't as high as it should be. I have been there, I started counselling, volunteering and evening classes and I started feeling a lot better. See what you can do at the moment in your area.

Good luck with your engagement and new life .

Have you low self esteem? Perhaps this is why you are fixating on this man that did not choose you. Maybe that makes you feel not good enough?

Thank you. I didn’t just dodged a bullet I think I dodged a bloody bomb ha ha ha! I do believe that it could be a lack of self-esteem although I’m on sure why because I get so much attention from my current partner when I see him and the girl that he was seen at the same time as me it makes me in such a mood and I really don’t know why. I didn’t just dodged a bullet I think I dodged a bloody bomb ha ha ha! I do believe that it could be a lack of self-esteem although I’m on sure why because I get so much attention from my current partner. when I see him and the girl that he was seeing at the same time as me it makes me in such a mood and I really don’t know why. It’s getting to the point where it’s driving me nuts if I’m honest as I’m thinking about it a lot. Maybe counselling will help!?

Sorry for lack of punctuation I’m currently speaking into my phone to type this rather than typing it as it just takes too long

Self esteem has to come from within you . It has to be an internal realisation, other people can be complimentary and kind to you all day long but it's not going to help unfortunately. That's why the counselling and volunteering helped me so much, it made me really see my good qualities and understand "my value". Sorry if that sounds cheesy. You should really put effort and time and energy into this , I think it will make a lot of difference to you.

This is just an idea of how counselling can benefit...

You feel bad and low when you see the woman that your ex "chose"

This leaves you feeling "less than" and " not good enough"

But.... You don't even like this man , so it makes no sense... And you are happy with your new partner as well....th

So I think....

The rejection has triggered something much, much deeper. From childhood. Another experience left you feeling like this and that is what you are feeling now. It's got nothing to do with this man and his girlfriend .

It's just a thought. Honestly. You should consider counselling though

I think you’re totally right. I’m not quite sure what is triggering it however it does need to get sorted out because I can’t keep living like this. I almost find myself wanting to bump into him just to kind of get some feeling that he knows that he’s made a mistake in his life or something along those lines if you understand what I’m trying to say although I don’t actually care about him and I’ve never felt this way about another man that I’ve had interaction with but he is necessarily the only one who I feel as though choose somebody else rather than me. Then for feeling the way I do I almost feel guilty on my partner ☹️

Hi there , you can't control your feelings, so don't feel guilty for them. Just use them to help you sort out what is going on with everything. I think this is the sort of issue that counselling is perfect for tbh. Good luck.

1. Re-read your own post.

1. Block him on everything and every time you think of him, counter it with a negative (sounds like you have a list of those based on what you've said).

1. Invest your time, energy & thoughts in your DP - set yourself a challenge to improve that relationship.

This is silly. He is no good & you are jeopardising the relationship you have invested in. If nothing else it's not fair on you DP.