Leaving, I think (hand hold)

[Name1234]

Name changed, but I've posted before.

My partner is emotionally and corrosively abusive and I finally think I've reached the limit today after he scared me and our two children.

I don't want to go into too much detail but after the screaming episode (where he was actually spitting with rage), and he tried to make me give me one of our young twins who I was protecting/comforting (they were upset and frightened!) and I said "no" he said "try to stop me, I'll fucking murder you". He's never been violent to me before but the look he gave me while saying this made me feel sick to my stomach.

I feel pathetic and weak, with a horrid mixture of fear and relief that this is the final push that I needed to go. But I'm hating myself already that I may chicken out.

I've put some documents aside that I'll need to take with me (but I'll need to still grab a few things). I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to leave in the early morning and bundle myself and the girls in the car in our PJs and just go, and hope he doesn't wake up.

What's holding me back entirely is that I'm paranoid that he'll hear and so physically stop me by not letting me take one of the boys with me. I know I'll be able to quietly slip out. but how do you tell that to not one, but two young toddlers??

Not really sure what I'm posting for other than for the sense that if I'm posting this out into the MN void then at least in saying it to "someone" so it feels more real so I may actually go through with it....

@Name1234 do not meet him alone! Don't do it! I am glad you made it out but please re-think that decision.

Well done, that must have been scary and hard. Please lean on people you trust now. People who you know will have your back and not try to change your mind to make life easier for them. It’s so much better when you don’t feel alone. Be proud of what you have done and remember why you had to do it!

Do not meet him face to face and (I know I don't have to mention this but forgive me) do not take the children to see him.
If you are staying with family he probably has a good idea where you are so I'd make sure the door is locked and I'd be extra vigilant if you or DC are in the garden.

Do not meet him at all! Please don't.

Another one saying I'm so pleased you got out - well done. I felt sick when I read your OP, but now you've removed your children from that dangerous environment.

Do not meet him in a few days.
It is way too soon.
Don't let him dictate when you see him.
Tell him a few days doesn't work for you.
You will contact him when you are ready to talk and ensure that he respects your boundaries on that. If he doesn't, one last message. You are not listening. You are not respecting me or my needs. I am blocking you until I am ready to talk.

Well done on getting out.
My stomach was churning reading this so god only knows how you were feeling!
Hopefully it's a huge sense of relief for now.

If you believe your at risk I would also contact the police to see if they can help give you safe passage out.
Alternatively, leave during the day; say you are taking them to the park / medical check up & don't return but contact him when you are safe

Great to hear OP. Good luck 🍀

Well done OP good luck

Well done
But don't meet him in person. It's not necessary and he is dangerous.
The relationship is over.

Don't meet him. As you know this is by far the most dangerous time for you. Nothing good can come of meeting him, now, or ever.

So glad you made it out.

Thinking of you OP, so pleased you are safe. Be careful, don’t trust him.

Congrats on getting out. Don’t meet him. Don’t trust him.

What I did was call the police and had him ejected from the house.
Then got all the locks changed.
Tell them he threatened to kill you and you are terrified. Why should you leave.

Well done for getting out.

Slightly worrying that he's staying calm enough to get you to feel ok about meeting up with him. Especially if his calm attitude is not what you were expecting in response to what you've done.

I wouldn't meet him if I were you, & certainly not on his terms, but if you end up doing it make sure it's either somewhere public or you have someone with you/close by.

After all you just went through, why would you meet him in a few days. This was clearly more than a lover's tiff.

He is being ok because he knows you are with family and may be telling them what he texts. Please remind yourself why you took your children away from this man in the middle of tbe night.

@Name1234

Thanks all, I made it out safely to family. He's been messaging and being oddly calm about it all, but wants to meet in a few days to talk, so will see how that goes (although I can't see myself being okay about things).

I really wouldn't meet him this soon.

If you do decide to, don't go alone.

Well done. I'd been checking to see if you'd made it.

He's being calm because he knows he's losing his control over you and that by acting calm he can reel you back in. He knows that being abusive right now will push you away which is what he definitely doesn't want. It's all further proof that he knows exactly what he is doing and that he can control himself.

That and trying to control the narrative to make you feel you've over reacted somehow. Which you 100% have not done by the way.

So glad you and your children are safe!