Is OLD really that bad??

[PumpkinP]

I’m 31 and have been single a few years (over 3) I am a lone parent and do really miss having a relationship, as I’m a lone parent I don’t really get the opportunity to go out and meet men so I was thinking of trying old but all I ever hear is horror stories! My sister joined hinge and deleted it 24 hours later as she said they were all crazy! Same on here all you see is so many horror stories. Does anyone have any positive stories of OLD?

My experience has not been good- I think it's mostly awful. The sites are designed to sell you a promise that your partner is out there and that hooks you in. Doesn't really matter what sites you use unless you go down the faith based ones-The men are on all of them so don't pay for match/Elite for example ( they'll most likely be on bumble/tinder too). Sites are not user friendly either but unfortunately it is harder to meet in real life unless you are in a bustling city (and they have more of a hook up culture anyway).

My biggest bugbear is the poor standards of etiquette on the sites and apps- I think many of us women have enabled the poor behaviour on there and brush it off as "it is what it is" "or all men do that" or "it's only online dating"

So, it is dreadful- but seemingly necessary. Yes I suppose I have more frogs to kiss yet, but even the frogs have left and I'm left with aphids! At 36 years, that's not a good thing to say!

I say this as a chronic OLD user (3 years+ now). I've spent so much on the paid ones and struggled to meet men with substance and the ones that appeared genuine, threw so many red flags at me within a week or so of meeting them.

I'm on Hinge and Bumble now- the same men are on both
Both have video call capabilities so it might be easier for you to have a video date at first- a coffee or a drink or whatever from your own home and then laugh at it all when you're done- you'll definitely have anecdotes for your friends! My friends beg me to write my dating experiences down because they could have been plucked out of a film!

I'd stay optimistic though- Lockdown will surely have put things into perspective for many men who may now FINALLY know what they want- so I'm waiting for the wave in the next 12 months ;)

Good to read some positive stories! I do agree that most of the men are on the same apps/dating sites so it doesn’t really matter which one you use. I don’t like the sound of bumble as I heard it’s for lazy men who like women to make the first move! And don’t like making much effort, I might bite the bullet and try tinder then just because it’s the biggest one out of them will wait till things are back to normal though as can’t really be bothered with socially distanced dating!

@PumpkinP

Good to read some positive stories! I do agree that most of the men are on the same apps/dating sites so it doesn’t really matter which one you use. I don’t like the sound of bumble as I heard it’s for lazy men who like women to make the first move! And don’t like making much effort, I might bite the bullet and try tinder then just because it’s the biggest one out of them will wait till things are back to normal though as can’t really be bothered with socially distanced dating!

Lots of people on tinder swipe as an ego boost to see who swipes back on them, a lot of the time they're not that interested in messaging. You will also get ghosted A Lot. The plus side of that though is its acceptable to ghost people back. If you're trying to extricate and they're really needy you just block them. I did have one bloke who kept upgrading his account in order to get through the blocks I had put on him - that was weird.

Anyway, meet up quickly (so you don't waste too much time talking then finding there's no chemistry when you meet) and don't take it to heart if potential dates disappear on you when you think it's going well.

Also OP, it saves a lot of time if you initially meet first dates for a coffee, not drinks or dinner. Do that on 2nd date. It’s awful if you meet for dinner and it’s immediately a ‘no’!!

Op, I’m impressed at your courage. I’m not that brave

I don't think it's so much that online dating sites are bad - they aren't - but if you approach it from the other side: where would you go if you had no morals and wanted to cheat on your partner, that's often who you'll be speaking to. Simple to weed out though. Ask for weekend / evening availability at short notice, ask to pick them up at their house, see if they will pay with things using cash or a family debit card etc, meet their friends or colleagues from work.... eventually the lies crumble. Perfume is usually a give away - either they will smell of it or they will ask you not to use any. Also, people who cheat need bloody good memories and can usually be found on more than one site - easy to catch them out of you use different personas. I was asked to chat to a friends bf to see if he was genuine and all of a sudden he was single and gagging for it. He was a little surprised when his gf turned up.

I had a mixed bag on Tinder, never really much success on Bumble but met DP on Hinge! Give it a go, the worst thing that can happen is you're not comfortable with it and you delete, but you are guaranteed a few laughs as you're swiping!

I met my DP on Plenty of Fish. Went on a few more dates before that and met a couple of really nice blokes, just not for me. It’s all in the filtering - I hid my profile (had to wait 24 hours to do that) and then I could control who I spoke to instead of getting bombarded with “hey sexy” messages!

I was ruthless culling and deleting anyone with bad grammar, unrealistic expectations or who even slightly annoyed me but it meant that the ones I did meet with were the best of the bunch.

I didn’t waste time chatting for weeks, just a few quick chats, then meet up for coffee.

As it happened I met DP just for a drink and tapas, ended up ordering a whole meal, staying for drinks afterwards, getting blind drunk and bringing him home with me!

So obviously don’t do that.

Or do!

Thanks for all the advice and tips! Feeling abit nervous actually! When you’ve been single for so long it’s really hard to get back out there

It’s actually quite a good time to start now. I found in the last few Corona months I actually got to know guys quite well before meeting, on Zoom dates etc.

I heard talking a lot before meeting is bad as it’s creates a false sense of intimacy etc (thinking you know someone more than you do)

I was really lucky - had about 10 dates with random assortment of pleasant men that were like going for a drink with a friendly new colleague you don't know well, then met DP.

Everyone posting to say they met their DH on Tinder, I guarantee that was 4plus years ago. Standards have slipped

Be careful with taking too long before meeting (on zoom as a minimum but ideally in person) there are lots of men looking for virtual relationships or pen pals they're after company and phone sex but don't want to make the effort to have a real relationship, or they're cat fishing, married etc. It's easy to get hooked and start developing feelings.

Redtellowpink I met DP online 18 months ago.