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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I stay or should I go now

5 replies

Bikernod · 30/06/2020 20:49

Hello everyone, I’m new here and looking for advice on my relationship.
It’s a long story so sorry I’m advance.

I’ve been dating a wonderful lady since May 2019. We meet on a dating site chatted and then met in person a few weeks later and hit it off immediately.
We went on lots of dates to the coast and country side and I fell in love with her after a couple of months.
To put you in the picture I’m separated from my wife and my lady friend lives with her husband in a loveless marriage.
In August 2019 I was involved in a nasty motorcycle accident and spent 3 months in hospital. During this time my lady friend visited me every day that she could get there travelling to London from Kent to do so.
During my stay in hospital she told me she loved me and wanted to spend her future with me.
After I came out of hospital I had to stay at a friends bungalow as I couldn’t climb stairs, during this time my partner as she referred to herself visited and things were great in all respects including sex.
Fast forward to late February and her husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer and everything changed as in she said we could only be friends now and she had to care for her husband.
At the time I said I completely understand but I’m finding it very difficult now as we still video call every day and she still says she loves me. I love this woman so very much but I feel that I’m only 2nd best now.
Please can someone advise me on this as it’s tearing me apart.
Maybe I’m being selfish I don’t know.
HELP

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 30/06/2020 20:53

I hate to say it dude but, I think she had made her choice.

And now it's time for you to make yours.
Choose you.

mathanxiety · 30/06/2020 21:41

Try to get over her

Be aware that the 'loveless marriage' line is very popular among people cheating on a spouse in order to justify their conduct to themselves, and also to reel in people who tend to be caretakers.

For some reason she has decided to tell you her husband has prostate cancer. Maybe she hooked someone else for trips to the sea, etc. Are you still recovering and not up for much travel? Maybe the poor husband really does have cancer.

Some people are players. Best not to get involved with anyone who is married in future.

Bikernod · 07/07/2020 21:19

Thanks for your advise I’ve decided you’re right and now it’s time for me.

OP posts:
Crystalspider · 07/07/2020 21:36

I think moving on is the best move, find someone available to you, she is a cheater and you couldn't ever trust her.

IWillNotNameTheTree · 07/07/2020 21:39

You sound lovely.

Don’t settle for being second best.

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