Does he want to get married?

[Giningit]

I’ve been with my partner for a couple of years and have a good relationship in so many ways. We share the same sense of humour, love each other, rarely argue, good sex life, he’s great with both mine and his kids, does odd jobs around the house and is generous with his money. We don’t live together but see each other very often. He’s also divorced and both of us have kids from previous relationships.
The problem is that he brought up the subject of marriage a few months into the relationship and said he would want to get married again. There have been opportunities to propose but nothing happened. To be honest, I wasn’t too bothered because it may have been too soon.
Since then it has started to feel like he’s backtracking a bit. He was financially stung by his ex-wife and has brought that up before, on the other hand he says he’s worried because I’m so financially independent(you don’t need anyone).!!
He does earn more than double what I earn so this isn’t a case of the fragile male ego. I’m a bit confused and upset about the whole situation. He knows that I would love to get married to him, so don’t get what’s stopping him proposing. Yes I could propose but I want him to do it so that I know that he actually wants to get married.

Does it sound like he wants to get married?

[Giningit]

@yellowsunset

I wouldn't propose to someone I don't even live with after just 2 years. Especially with kids involved.

I’ve been in a situation where I lived with someone for a long time, he proposed, we were engaged again for a long time but didn’t make it down the aisle. Now I’d rather get married first, especially with added complications of kids and assets on both sides. More importantly we had the marriage discussion a while ago and thought we both had the same views on it

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

You've only been with him for "about" 2 years and you feel if you bring up the subject of marriage again, it will fee like you are nagging? You've brought it up that much in that short space of time?

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

I’ve been in a situation where I lived with someone for a long time, he proposed, we were engaged again for a long time but didn’t make it down the aisle. Now I’d rather get married first,

Why? Surely it's better that you didn't have to go through a divorce?

[Giningit]

@Yankathebear

Do you want to marry him?

Yep

[Giningit]

@Dozer

Sounds like he doesn’t want to have to share his financial assets should you break up in the future. Understandable: he’s financially better off that you; odds of avoiding breakup aren’t great for 2nd marriages/‘blended families’.

Wouldn’t buy property with him without first fully considering your and your DCs’ interests/wishes. If marriage is essential for you, for example, don’t buy property together if he’s not offering that.

What do you mean “ financially stung by his ex-wife”?
Often a big red flag when men claim this. If they had DC, she took time out of work or went PT, doing more parenting/domestics, he worked FT and is a high earner, she would have received what they agreed or a court decided was a reasonable share of their assets.

He may be better off than me, but that hasn’t been a problem so far. I can support myself, so don’t ask him for anything really, he offers 😂. We own another asset and that’s split fairly. We have plans for the future too. We’ve talked about buying a house together for ages and been to look at areas we might want to live etc.
He didn’t actually say “financially stung” that’s just my interpretation of what happened in their marriage. He’s a good dad and supports his kids, paying much more than he has to, which is one of the things I like about him.

[Giningit]

True

[Giningit]

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

You've only been with him for "about" 2 years and you feel if you bring up the subject of marriage again, it will fee like you are nagging? You've brought it up that much in that short space of time?

Not really. We don’t talk about it every day or even every month but it is on my mind.

[Horseshoe5]

I reckon it will happen when you both sell your homes and discuss buying a place together. It sounds like a timing thing.

[LemonTT]

That you have separate dependents and assets is a reason not to get married. At least not without a pre nuptial agreement or understanding. Marriage is a powerful statutory instrument that interferes with individual intentions around passing on wealth and property.

Anyone who has divorced is very aware of this. Even if their thinking is skewed with bitterness. Let’s face it divorce leaves scars and big holes in your finances and security. Even if objectively it was fair.

Blending is not the same as going on holiday.

Getting into a marriage is easy, getting out of it is expensive and painful. Anyone who has experienced that is going to take things slowly and be practical.

I’m not your boyfriend. If I was I would be getting cold feet just based on your posts. You are being too something here. I think your past experience of not being asked is influencing you. His experience of being married will influence him.

I always tell people if they want a quick answer to a question I’m not ready for, it will be no.

[Giningit]

You might be right. We may be coming at this from different angles. He’s being overly cautious based on past experience and I don’t have that to cloud my view so being more optimistic. I’m leaving it ie not mentioning it, because everything else is great, but it stills bugs me privately.

[RantyAnty]

It sounds like you have the ideal situation now.
How would being married make your life better?

[stealm]

I think it's far too early. You've been together two years. You don't live together yet. There are kids involved.
He has already been through one divorce - not sure whether you have or not. He certainly won't want to rush into things.
Try to put it to the back of your mind. You need to live together first. Take it one step at a time.