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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My ex and his threats. I'm pregnant.

32 replies

Bundleof2 · 29/06/2020 21:53

Backstory I'm 20 weeks pregnant. He is blocked on all social media, I've deleted every social media platform. We are not married and under no circumstances will be allowed at the birth and will NOT be on the birth certificate.

My ex would follow me around my flat, when I reached the room. He would ask me what I'm doing? If I did not respond he would get up and come to the doorway to check. If I was saying sorting the washing and I was not doing it when he come in he would say I thought you was doing the washing. Once I wanted to leave the room, he would stand by the doorway and I would always have to say excuse me please. It become worse during the pregnancy and I told him to stop it as i felt trapped and no where else to turn to.

I am having a c section. I have a son who is 4, previously had my mum accompy me to the operation. I want the same support. I had told him this weeks ago, he asked me again. He said well I'm going to miss out on the biggest day of my life and you might want to rethink that. I am obviously scared incase he shows up or starts before he is born.

I told him it's my choice and said he had never really asked about the baby or birth before. He was yelling saying he had no idea about appointments and thought I had no more until the baby was born. I'm using the child a weapon as I have all the information and dont give him nothing(I have messages from when I've told him as I've checked)

He also works within the care industry, he has stolen from work, told me information about the residents and joked he would be funny to take a photo and edit them(now I'm even more scared because I'm going out of my mind with worry he could do this to the baby)

I have not told a soul apart from my parents, my mum has often heard him on the phone saying things to me, I always have him on speaker due to his nature.

He keeps telling me the baby will be taken if I dont comply with him and no one would believe me because I have diagnosed mental health, the social services did get involved with my first child. The midwife has confirmed they are not getting involved as I'm no longer a risk due to my improvements(which I've worked so hard for and thank my darling son who has helped me in moments of darkness). He has told me the midwife, my parents, even the doctor WILL take my baby if I dont listen to him.

I'm due to speak to the midwife Wednesday and hopefully I will be able to speak to her about it, I even feel now if I do what he says will be true they will take the baby if I speak against him.

Can anyone give me advice on how what I should to protect myself and my child legally. Thank you.

OP posts:
doodleygirl · 02/07/2020 21:52

Well done OP. I hope you get all the support you need and have a safe and happy pregnancy Flowers

Sunbird24 · 02/07/2020 21:56

Well done OP, now you’ve proved him wrong on this one thing hopefully you’ll find it easier to ignore any other lies he comes out with!

Cherrysoup · 02/07/2020 21:58

Remember you do have choices and that you can phone the police anytime you feel scared.

Vodkacranberryplease · 02/07/2020 22:26

He's truly evil. And very very dangerous. Make a note of the things he's said to you and things he's done and be completely honest with everyone otherwise someone might let him near you.

You're doing great. But he is one nasty piece of work. Is it possible to involve the police or have I missed that part? Your mum had heard him and I think you need to get a protective order in place ASAP.

He's actually committing some quite serious crimes with all this. An absolute abuser. And a liar with his talks about the baby being taken etc.

Bundleof2 · 02/07/2020 22:34

@doodleygirl thank you.

@Cherrysoup if he comes to the door I will ring the police, no doubt what so ever. He won't leave otherwise.

@Vodkacranberryplease I don't know what a protective order is? I have started to write and log things down that I can remember. Since I've had time to think it's all hit me a like a ton of bricks.

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 03/07/2020 18:27

@Bundleof2 I'm a registered nurse and the fuckwit father is talking so much shit he could be a fertilizer salesman! He will in no way arrange to get sole custody of your baby. Not in a million years. I think he deserves to lose his job for the breech in privacy you've described him committing. No licensing board would be ok with it. I think you need to speak with your community DV police officer because he sounds dangerous and unhinged

Bundleof2 · 04/07/2020 20:39

@EKGEMS he wont even get PR until he takes me court. I will hopefully be moving ASAP, I'm currently in a council property but on the waiting list. I have domestic abuse aid ringing me Monday to access me and come over to give me alarms and to make sure the door is safe. I'm also changing the locks as I'm that paranoid he got another key cut(he give me the one back I give him).

Also spoke about a non molestation order or a restraining order, I said no because I dont want him make him angry, he would lose his job also and I cant handle the wrath of him Sad

OP posts:
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