My best friend won't admit to her wrong

[Holyjebus]

So this is a weird one, I'm hoping for some thoughts on this...
When I was 14, I had a really close best friend who I'll call Deb.
I got with my first ever love, I'll call him Dan, who I was crazy about. We lasted for a year together and I truly thought he was 'the one'.
Deb admitted to me one day that she had been with Dan behind my back. It truly broke my heart. He denied everything at first, but eventually admitted he had been sleeping with her for months behind my back! Me and him never had sex, so this was a really hard thing for me to hear. anyway, we broke up and I moved on.
I met other guys and since moved to Australia. I always kept in touch with Deb but years after, we lost touch.
So 25 years later, through Facebook, me and Deb got back in touch.
We had never fallen out over it but lately I find I can't stop thinking about how she never apologized for it!
I tried to broach it with her online but she kept changing the subject.
She's a lonely person these days after having numerous affairs and her children no longer speak to her.
I'm a happily married mum of two boys.
Am I crazy to pursue this 'friendship' or is is something she may not have been able to help? I personally feel she's the type of woman who always wants what she can't have?
So she's now in her 40s, deeply lonely and her husband has full custody of her kids. Her family don't talk to her.
I'm just so confused, I'd love to go back to our friendship but I need her to own up to her actions and admit she was wrong. AIBU?

I probably wouldnt bother. When I was 14 I was absolutely horrible to a friend of mine. I always felt bad about it and I know it impacted her long after the fact. 20 years later we met at a pub and I apologised to her. I think she appreciated it. So just cos it was a long time ago doesn't mean it is suddenly irrelvant. We are shaped by our experiences.

Just say no. She’s exhausted everyone closer to home - literally and figuratively.

I’m not sure why you would want to be her friend as your description of her now doesn’t indicate anything good. Something similar happened within my group of friends as a teenager and it had quite an impact; I dont hold anything against anyone now but sometimes even a long time after these things are still significant enough to leave a mark.

She sounds and I'm sure, is, an absolute bitch. Cheating, lying, not even feeling that she has to apologise. Cut all contact and don't waste a minute in her.

I would post a vitriolic attack on her shitty character, then block her but I'm not forgiving of some things.

Don't air any dirty laundry on Facebook! It only ever makes the person dong it look petty and spiteful.

She is NOT your best friend, and she never was. There's absolutely no need to keep in touch with her.

I've taken everything on board ladies, I really didn't want to go back there but I needed an outsiders prospective.
I appreciate all your comments, thank you x

Either forget about it and start afresh or just ditch her. No pint going down old roads it was ages ago

People change so much as they get older, so yes, I can completely understand why you'd want an apology but don't expect a positive response for asking her to apologise for something she did at such a young age (even if what she did is really bad). I think you may want to turn her into a person she isn't. You want her to reach out to you, to be nice to you and apologise for what she did. You see yourself as friends again, rekindling something you had in your youth, but that in itself was probably based on nothing . She might have meant something to you, but it doesn't mean she felt like that. The fact that she's contacting you now means nothing I'm afraid. People often reach out to other when they're vulnerable or they want something. It's all about them, what's in it for them, even if it doesn't appear that way.

Now to the important bit - by inviting her back into your life, you are inviting a lot of negativity with her. If she hasn't really changed at all, she might give you a false apology and then proceed with treating you like a doormat. She might have multiple complex issues - some of which may not be her fault but they aren't your fault either. You can feel sad for her, but you are not responsible for her. At all !!!!!

Please don't ruin your happiness.

Just seen your last comment. I wish you luck

I wouldn’t.

You’re both at different times in your life. And as for an apology, I’d leave it alone. You were both young. She was probably insecure (still is)

You’re happy in your life. I’d carry on with that.

I feel like shagging your boyfriend was one of the first of a series of terrible choices she has obviously made. I wonder if she was abused. You’re not going to get an apology out of her but you need to work out what either of you will get out of this friendship. She needs a therapist, ideally.

Are you married OP? Maybe she's seen photos of your husband and wants to get to know him.

14 sounds very young to be having regular sex with someone you aren't in a relationship with. How old was Dan? 14 isn't even the age of consent. I feel sorry for her. Her life hasn't turned out very well and she must have had low self esteem to sleep with Dan behind your back at that age. Who knows what she was going through at home.

You don't have to be her friend. In fact it would be best if you didn't after the way you have spoken about her. But I'm amazed you hold such a grudge about something that happened when you were both so young. And have never wondered why she might have behaved that way at such a young age.

@Notcoolmum

The OP was looking for an apology for a betrayal, not exactly over reaching . You don't know what she has or hasn't wondered about ? You are feeling sorry for someone you literally know nothing about except she slept with her friends boyfriends as a teenager and she has lost her family as an adult. There isn't even information in the OPs description to theorise.

Ditch her.

She’s lonely and has form for affairs.