Had a really awful last 5 years with DH, who’s been highly anxious (and controlling and angry towards me as a result) since having kids, but always denied anxiety and couldn’t reflect on himself and his behaviour at all. I said he could seek support and that I’d support him but he’d always deny stress and anxiety. He also struggled to tolerate me having different opinions to him, would always forcefully (in an intellectual way) try to flatten my perspective. Would get pissed off and sulk when my family visited because he felt I was too preoccupied with them.
I was financially dependent as SAH mum for a while but have just got a part-time job and have been planning to leave when ducks in
a row. BUT now lockdown has given him new perspective and he’s suddenly become capable of reflecting more. He’s acting differently— much more generously and considerately. He told me last night he’s realised how hugely stressed he’s been over the last 5 years and what a toll it’s taken, and that he wants to do things differently, for everyone’s sake. I had to point out to him the huge toll on the relationship and on me. For the first time ever in 5 years he listened. Then apologised. I’m so disorientated. I feel like I should be compassionate and give him another chance, especially as we have two young DC. But I feel like I don’t love him anymore and that it’s too late. Much about him had become aversive to me and I organised my life around trying to avoid spending much time with him. When I tried to talk to him about it previously it was always a disaster, he could never bear to listen and would always make me feel I was wrong. I’m feeling guilty for feeling the way I do — that I can’t feel love for him anymore. Don’t know what to do. Please help.