Texting to say you got home safely

[SistemaAddict]

Just musing about past relationships and trying to get better at recognising red flags.

I thought this weird at the time but dismissed it as just his way. He would tell me he'd text me when he was home so I knew he was home safe. He was 45, lived 3 miles away and drove. Nice area, quiet roads between the two houses. He did indeed text me each time. Weird or setting up expectations that I do the same?

How close was the relationship at the time ?
On the face of it it's a bit weird, but not a massive red flag for me, unless coupled with other bits of possibly controlling behaviour

Brand new dating at the time.

A lot of people just do this with everyone, family kids friends. My friends do this and I do it with people too so I don’t think it’s weird as something people do with no other context of being controlling

Lots of people do that. I wouldn't think it was a red flag unless there wee other things too.

It's not something I do habitually but I know some people who have pretty much always done it. It might be am 'expectation' but that doesn't make it a problem unless it's part of a bigger picture.

Some people do it because it makes them look like they care; some people do it because they actually care.

I have some friends and we never do it. I have others that I always do it with because I know it's important to them.

I do this and I've been with my other half many years. I dont want him worrying, he does the same back so I don't worry

We do this with close family only.

My whole family does this along with lots of my friends. I would not see it as a red flag on its own.

On it's own, that wouldn't be a red flag. Alot of people do this with close ones.

It can be, sure some people such as family and friends genuinely want to know you're fine.

But only 3 miles away?
If he seemed controlling in other ways then it could be that they want to keep tabs on you, I was dating a guy that always insisted I texted him soon as I got home, It made me feel under pressure that I 'had' to go straight home and if I didn't I'd feel bad.

I let family know I've got home ok after visiting them. Used to do it after nights out too with friends.

I'm 51 and before lockdown spent the evening with a 52 year old friend. We texted each other to say that we got home, perfectly normal.

I guess that if he was to start making a fuss before you even had a chance to get home, be leaping into the car and start driving round looking for you 10 mins after you gone your separate ways then you might have an issue.

In fact, I had a female friend who behaved a bit like that, making a huge fuss by text if she got home before me. She was forgetting that she travelled by Tube and I by bus and my journey went A to B to C, hers was A to B. I had to tell her to wind her neck in.

He could have given 3 rings instead...

Since it was “brand new dating”, it seems he would text one of his friends (if anyone) he got home safely, rather than you.

I do it with My offspring only. To me it's a parental thing, it doesn't matter what age a parent still gets worried.
It isn't, however, something that sits right with me between two non related adults in a relationship.
I can kind of understand if one asks the other if they'd like them to let them know they got home safely. It feels somehow more equal then. But for one partner to tell the other to call sounds a bit either controlling or non trusting

@MingeofDeath 😂😂

If a date wanted to know I got home safely I would let him know.

It would only be a red flag if many other signs he wanted to know where I was or appeared controlling.

For me, this would be OTT and I'd feel stifled by it.

I think it depends on the type of person you are.

If there's some risk involved in the journey, ie a woman walking home on her own, I think this is reasonable. Otherwise, it's just a bit weird. Why would you "worry", as one poster says? What if your partner goes out another time by themselves, to see other friends or to work or shop? Do you insist they ring you when they get home, every time they leave the house?

An ex and I used to do 📞 📞 📞 for 3 rings but he did live further away.
I like a 'had a great time' text after a good date.

It seemed too much to me. If I had been heading home alone after a date I'd understand it but him going between houses in his own car for such a short journey seemed odd. He turned out to be a love bombing oddball but this was one of the first things that made me think he was not quite right.

I think it is a normal thing to do. I don't do it personally, but I know others who do. He may have been a weirdo in other ways, but I don't think this was one of them.

It's a bit of an odd thing to do, and it wouldn't be for me.

But people and things can be odd without having to be shoehorned into Red Flag territory.

I probably wouldn't get on with someone who did that, but that's life.

Nope - nothing wrong in it at all. I do it with friends family and kids. Would t give it a second thought . The fact that he turned out to be strange is unrelated IME - but this is MN and just being male seems to be a 'red flag' at times.

3 miles in a quiet area? odd. Not something to close it all down if it's just that, but I'd want him to stop doing it. If it was part of a number of odd things then definitely time to say goodbye.

It's definitely not automatically a red flag.

This is very normal for a lot of people!