How to stop thinking about someone

[user1498908155]

I have been married for the last 16 years and have2 kids - 8 and 3 years old. I had a good relationship with my husband up until we had kids. Due to stress and work associated with childcare our relationship started to go downhill. After fighting a lot for the last few years we havenow settled and home is peaceful and harmonious for the last many months. However, I don't feel that I love my husband anymore. Given the harmonious and peaceful relationship though I am still living with my husband as that is best for kids

Now, last September I met someone at work and fell for him. I think I am crazy about him, I dontknow if it is love, lust or just infatuation, but I can't stop thinking about him. He also considers me a very good and close friend. We travelled together for work but the closest we got physically was a tight hug which felt morethan a friendly one. He tells me he misses me during lockdown. However, when I message him his rate and speed of reply is bad and I am left looking at my phone all the time eagerly waiting to hear from him. And I just can't stop thinking about him.

Our relationship can'tgo anywhere as both of us are married with kids and devoted to our kids if not partners. I think I also dont want it to go anywhere. But to save myself this pain of endless and desperate waiting and overall craziness, I am thinking of ending all contact with him. I am thinking of meeting him one last time, tell him how I feel so as to get some closure, but then tell him that I need to stop talking, messaging, contacting him, or should I just disappear from his life without telling him anything and leave him wondering? I have left that job so there is no chance of seeing him at work anymore.

But to save myself this pain of endless and desperate waiting and overall craziness, I am thinking of ending all contact with him.
Seems a good idea.

I am thinking of meeting him one last time, tell him how I feel so as to get some closure, but then tell him that I need to stop talking, messaging, contacting him, or should I just disappear from his life without telling him anything and leave him wondering?
Send a text or message saying that you need to cut contact as you are married with children. Don't see him. Block him.

I have left that job so there is no chance of seeing him at work anymore.

Good luck, OP. Try to think about something else. Like your marriage.

Sounds like limerance

I think it could be complex on the marriage front if you feel you don’t love DH. That’s hard. Maybe you need some time/therapy to figure out what you need/want, but agree the other guy situation is not helping. Good luck xx

Don't tell him you are cutting him out - if his wife finds it she will think there was something significant to cut out and not your garden variety office crush. By telling him, you are actually inviting a conversation about your relationship.

Just ghost him.

I am thinking of meeting him one last time, tell him how I feel so as to get some closure, but then tell him that I need to stop talking, messaging, contacting him, or should I just disappear from his life without telling him anything and leave him wondering?

Sorry, my eyes rolled really hard when you said this. You're trying to prompt a crisis where he declares himself and you fall into each others arms.

"Getting closure" externally is bollocks. You give yourself closure. Stop contact.

Are you projecting onto him when he just considers you a fun work colleague? Sounds like you are trying to make a drama out of something which maybe isn't there (for him). You probably have used the fantasy of your attraction to cope with deficits in your home life. Just stop contacting him so much and quit the teenage crush mooning.