Tinder : is it just for hook ups?

[famousforwrongreason]

I don't want to advertise that I'm just looking for hookups (I'm not) but also don't want a serious relationship atm.
I've never used tinder because it doesn't feel very private. Maybe I have this wrong?
I know that my exh and exbfs are on there as friends have told me.
Please can someone talk me through how it works? Particularly the privacy aspect.
Cani block people I know so they can't look at my profile?
Do people write much about themselves or not?
I'm so old I just don't get it but all the other date sites are dross. And creepy.
I thought maybe they're all on tinder.

You could try an app like Bumble. People can select what they're after instead of having to write it out in their own words.

Thank you. I tried bumble. It was completely dead in my area. Something like seven guys altogether, three of whom were remotely suitable and none of them responded.
Much like my guardian soulmates experience.
I live in a small town and am middle aged. Not many guys around who are genuinely single or decent who I or my friends haven't already ticked off in one way or another

You might find POF better than Tinder. Still fairly casual but a bit less 'forward'. Pre-lockdown, I'd met a few nice guys on there and been on some good dates. Am still talking to a couple of them. I don't want anything serious either but also don't just want FWB. You can block people who mrssage you but I'm not 100% sure if you can block a profile straight away. I'm sure someone else will know. I kept my profile reasonably short so I hadn't given everything away!! Have fun

@fairycake thanks for the reply. Really helpful. You have grasped what I'm trying to say re not wanting fwb OR a serious relationship !
Please can I be cheeky and get an idea what you wrote for your profile as I'm stumped on how to write it without giving my life story. Happy for pm if easier

I'm also looking for advice so just thought I'd comment.

I'm recently out of a relationship, I'm also not looking for anything serious. Just something fun and someone to hang out with?

Not even sure how to go about it, the whole OLD thing is new for me.

I liked Tinder the best out of all of the sites I tried. It's not just for hook ups. I met my partner on there two years ago and hopefully we'll be together forever (I know that's not what you are looking for but neither was I at the time 😂).

I just wrote a few things about my character and that I was looking to date. Was specific about not wanting a ONS / FWB. Also gave an indication of a few things I like and left it at that. Happy to help further if you want to PM me

Welcome @WhatInTheHell!
I'm no novice with online dating but some recent events have massive knocked me down and I have little confidence now when it comes to dating, add to that I'm probably over twenty years older than when I first forayed into OLD, II was hot property back then and handy had kids etc so much more confidence in my looks etc.
I'm not meeting guys socially due to lockdown obviously but when I was going out. I tended to attract MUCH younger men or much oder sleaze bags. Or the married types.
I mmet my last bf onlibe and he was a huge bag of lies. I have met a few recently through other interests online, one was a sleaze who ide foubf quite promising and a lsow build up and the other turned out to have been straining along at least three women, two of who were my friends.
Now I'm feeling rather jaded and also doubting myself and whether I look 'desperate' by posting a profile.
My younger or more longterm single friends are happy tindering away, breaking lockdown 'guidines' having side guys and the like but I genuinely only have time and energy for one at a time even if just for dating.
I was meant to meet a but yesterday but his keenness gave me way too much red flaggage. Ii hate talking on the phone and he asked me to, I said. I'd prefer to go straight into face to face and he made a sarky comment re text tennis. To me it felt like control already. Plus he was messaging me more than anyone I know and it all felt quite generic.
Some would say I'm too fussy but I'm busy, I don't want to waste my free time on dweebs

Hhhm @Badhairday101 that's the only site I haven't tried. Your story is lovely,. Well done and congrats x

Thank you @fairycake have you found it has brought brought you the responses you wanted?

No it's not. I met a good guy about 4 years ago on Tinder. It didn't work out for us, but he went on finding his future wife the same way.

Nope.

Loads of people I know met their husbands on there, I did too. And in the process met some really lovely guys who I just didn’t click with, made a few friends too. In my experience the calibre was pretty high, lots of doctors and lawyers and other busy professional men. I liked it.

Ooh fab tankyoi. I've just signed up. Can you search for people with specific criteria or can you only swipe through what tinder throws up?
Already seeing multiple duplicates from other sites going back yearsbut it actually so far seems better than the trad sites...

That’s correct! Just swipe on whether you find vaguely appealing and don’t try to only swipe for perfection, it’s a numbers game.

I thought DH was too young and looked really short. Turned out to be extremely mature, five inches taller than me and an absolute catch!

No you can’t search or filter. You just need to swipe. Like Amelia said don’t be too fussy as you have to match and then actually start messaging. It’s easy to unmatch with somebody if you change your mind.

Tinder is the best site cos it has the most users. Lots of awful people but plenty of genuine ones too. Write in your bio a little bit about yourself and what you’re looking for. Block anyone who sends inappropriate messages.
There’s no way of stopping other people on there from seeing you cos of the random nature of who pops up (similar to Bumble) But in the same way, nobody can ‘search’ for you either.
I have only ever had dates with genuine people from Tinder (and Bumble too but they are obviously the kind of men who don’t have the balls to send the first message, that’s another reason Tinder is better!)

No you can’t search or filter. You just need to swipe.

This isn't the case. You can filter on tinder by age range, proximity to your location (or another specific location if you pay).

Nope. I met lots of nice men on there before I met dh and I know of lots of marriages. It just needs careful handling.

Photo not me. I met dh on match

I met my husband on tinder 6 years ago

Thanks so much everyone. I have had a few messages, most of them saying they do want a relationship so are probably not what I'm looking for!
I think the concept of dating without getting serious is a tricky one for some. Women seem to get the idea more than men do, probably because traditionally they are not juggling so much PLUS as often seen on here and irl, men get to absolutely call the shots where relationships are concerned, hence the many many posts re 'why did he do/say this?' and 'what is he thinking?' etc.
I've already seen lots. Of duplicates from other sites. The ones who say it's their first time, 'please go easy' are usually ones I've seen on and off for years!