Advice needed

[0101010101A]

My wife and I were never getting on she seemed to be over critical of me all the time and showed me no affection or intimacy, I never showed an interest in her stuff either generally passing a sarcastic remark thinking I was funny.
Tbh neither of us was treating the other how they deserved to be treated.
We have had more going on in our lives than most, our daughter was diagnosed with cancer in 2018, relapsed early 2019 and had a bone marrow transplant in September 2019.
I made the mistake of asking my wife to leave about a month ago, I love her more than anything and was just trying to kickstart some emotion/fight on her side.
When she thought it was a good idea and started arranging her life without me in it. I confessed to my stupid plan and told her that I wanted her to stay in my life.
At this point she told me that she didn’t love me and wasn’t attracted to me, she decided to stay to see if any feelings would come back this is 3 weeks ago now, I am struggling no hearing her say I love you back to me and the feeling of dangling in a no mans zone is sending me in to depression. I have over the last few weeks treated her like a goddess, done all the housework, foot rubs, time out the house etc etc pretty much everything she could ever want of me. We had sex 2.5 weeks ago and she said she thought if we abstained for a couple of weeks it would take the pressure off and help.
She says everything is moving in the right direction but when I asked about sex some point in the future she clammed up.

Really don’t know what to do or expect I am literally all out of ideas. Struggling to keep my mood up.
Anyone got any tips who has been through this?

@ThePathToHealing

My partner did something similar (not the same) even moved out for two weeks. It's taken about 12-18 months to forgive him. Not because of what he's done, he's no different practically but emotionally he's a different person. That made all the difference.

I know we both emotionally cut off from each other we did what we needed to do to survive. It’s a hard one to explain.

We got put into a dark place we still are nowhere near out of the woods yet though which is affecting everything.

I do struggle with not hearing her say I love you

What do you think she might be struggling with in your behaviour?

@Eckhart

I do struggle with not hearing her say I love you

What do you think she might be struggling with in your behaviour?

I have asked her what don’t I do that she needs and she said nothing.

I asked her what does she see as being the perfect husband and she said me.

I am probably consumed by worry as I know the love and attraction has gone.

What do you think she might be struggling with in your behaviour, though? Have you any thoughts, ideas, suggestions? You have reposted the question I asked but not answered it. I didn't ask what she's told you. I asked what you think.

@Eckhart

What do you think she might be struggling with in your behaviour, though? Have you any thoughts, ideas, suggestions? You have reposted the question I asked but not answered it. I didn't ask what she's told you. I asked what you think.

I really do not know.

That’s your problem then. You seem so caught up in remembering her behaviors but you can’t sit there and really think about what you did?

You got called out. You tried to get her to “fight” and she saw that there wasn’t anything in you worth that effort. You pulled an emotionally abusive move and found out you can’t shake her like that. She is likely drained from everything else and no longer has the energy for such BS.

Stop worrying about your gripes with her and start thinking about your own actions. I think you really messed up. You thought you had power to motivate and even ignite your desired behavior, but she has straight up alerted you to the fact that you don’t have that power. You aren’t a prize dude, she isn’t trying to fight for you. It took that for you to see that she is prize.

Why aren’t you worth her energy? Think really deep about that.

You deserve this because you tried to manipulate her emotions to control and get her to act the way you wanted to. You wanted to pull the rug from her and get her feeling afraid and desperate. Jokes on you though!!!!! A few weeks of acting right isn’t going to cut it.

Stop “acting” perfect and start being better. Seems to me you married yourself an actual high quality woman because she sees her own value, and can appraise yours. Think on it.

It’s like your still trying to get her to “fight” for you.... ain’t gonna happen. You either fight for her and wise up or lose any chance of having a high value woman by your side.