New relationship - should I have lied?

[ninja]

Met someone just before lockdown and we started virtually dating during lockdown. We're now in a bubble, but live 90 minutes away and I have kids half the time, so we've only met a few times. It's going really well - neither of us were really looking for anyone but being together feels right.

We met through a mutual hobby and so have a lot of mutual friends and acquaintances. There is one guy who I think was interested in me last year but I made it really clear that I wasn't interested in him that way, we did become friends and as he was a bit over friendly on social media I think some people thought there was something going on. I once had a snog and a fumble while extremely drunk but we agreed it was a bad idea and would never go any further, and it hasn't.

Thing is new guy asked me at some point if anything had happened between us and on the spur of the moment I said no - because it really was something and nothing, and he asked again yesterday as this guy comments on practically everything I put on FB.

I'm wondering now if I should have told him that we kissed, or if I should tell him now. I don't think he'd have been bothered if he knew, I was just a bit embarassed about it, but now it means that I've lied that's a bigger deal. I'd been in an abusive relationship before that (sex and emotion) and I was a bit messed up - kissed and slept with a few people that I shouldn't have) and I'm just trying to put that behind me.

So -should I 'fess up?

I think I would say it just in case anyone else mentions that it happened to your boyf. Maybe make a point of stressing that you and the bloke decided it was a mistake and not to take it anywhere.

Before I told him, I would block the other guy on your social media. This will make a point to your boyf that you're 100% not into the other bloke. I know you might come across him in social circles again, but it's completely acceptable to block someone for being creepy/annoying, or for the sake of your relationship.

I don't think he's worried about this guy, just wondering why he's so effusive. I was going to excuse him from seeing my profile posts from now on.

No one else knows and so I don't think he'd find out, but other people may say that they thought there was something going on - but that's unrelated to the time we kissed.

Hi. Why lie though? It was just a snog, you were a free agent, you had no loyalties to anyone. Anyway, I would say, yes, it's best to be honest. A silly little thing will become a big thing the longer you leave it. It will become a matter of trust. If I were him i would wonder why lie about smth to insignificant.

Re: no one else knows. The other guy knows. Therefore there's always a chance it might come out.

I think you should tell him or this is a massive fault line.

Fair enough, you're probably all right - it's just I already have lied twice. I was hoping you'd all agree there wouldn't be any harm in just leaving it now.

I'd kind of blocked it out of my mind to be honest as I did a few silly things around that time as I was a bit messed up ...

OK - phoned and told and all sorted. Thanks for the advice and gentle persuasion. I'm a bit of a head in the sand person sometimes

Well done OP I bet you feel relieved now 🙂

Relieved although also feeling very anxious for the rest of the day (my 18 year marriage was to an emotionally abusive man and I was punished for any mistake).

When I told him he just said 'no worries chuck' then I told him that I'd gone through a few tricky months, been to counselling and sorted myself out and he said 'good on you'

We've just chatted before bed and he sounded pretty normal :)

I'll feel better once I see him. To be honest I drank a bit too much last night (let my 11 year old make my G&t for me!) and didn't sleep well because of the heat so I'm just a bit knackered today