God I'm a fool

[2ndtimemum2]

Not sure if this is the right place but right now my anxiety is through the roof and I could really use some reassurance or a hand hold.

I'm 7 and a half months pregnant and my horrible cheating ex left me when I was nine weeks pregnant and was absolutely horrible to me and abusive and made my life hell with horrific texts etc. To the point I was extremely vulnerable for the last few months.

So the issue is last February while in work on a night shift I just started crying hysterically like I'd just had a breakdown and a really lovely guy in work and he honestly does seem like the most genuine person in the room walked past the room and seen me...he came I'm to comfort me and I end up explaining that my ex had cheated and I was pregnant and I just disclosed alot about my personal life to do with the relationship

Now me and him had been work friends for the last few months and he had disclosed some family life to me too...but now hes confided in me hes seeing someone in work and I'm terrified hes going to tell her all about what I told him and everyone will know my personal life and my anxiety right now is overwhelming me and all I want to do is cry and freak out.

Part of me is saying its completely illogical and he is a genuine guy so wouldnt but another part of me is shaking with fear.

Please reassure me I'm over reacting

I don't think he will, he sounds genuine. Maybe message him and ask him not to say anything. What's the worse that can happen. If he tells his friend she will probably not say anything either.
So he would have to tell her, who then tells everyone else.
You haven't done anything wrong or shameful. In fact most people will just be genuinely concerned. It's no wonder you broke down. I hope things get better for you. How awful.

He probably won't if he's a good friend. Message him and ask him not to but you have nothing to be ashamed about anyway

Thank you so much I'm sitting here in such a state of anxiety...I usually wpuldnt tell someone in work such detail but that night I was mentally exhausted and broke down I had nearly lost the baby a month before and my lovely ex had turned his phone off when i was on the hospital. He had blocked my number and was only unblocking me to text me nasty messages. I had genuinely hit rock bottom and my dad is also dying so it was a mixture of everything that I just broke down....

I just dont want everyone in work to be gossiping about me and I think.because someone i loved treated me so horrifically that everyone is gonna betray my trust

Hello
Firstly what happened to you is awful but nothing to be ashamed of, everyone has issues and bagged and 99% of people are understanding not judgemental. The likely hood is he won't say anything but if you are worried about it just ask him not to say anything to anyone at work including his new partner. I think you are very brave and strong dealing with an abusive ex and preparing to be a single mum. Just putting the notion out there that it may be actually a positive thing if you told your management and a few colleagues about your anxiety due to an abusive ex and being pregnant without a supporting partner, that gives them the opportunity to offer you support during this difficult time. Everyone at some point in their life needs mental health support for issues in their lives. You are not alone or different from the rest of us and have nothing to be ashamed of, often when we open up to others they can offer support and some will relay similar experiences they have had so stop being hard on yourself, you are human like the rest of us. Take care of your self.

Congradulations about the pregnancy and I have just read your second post, I am really sorry about your Dad. Take care of yourself.

You have nothing to be as

I’m sure he wont say anything, men dont usuallly gossip but ask him not to do mention it. He’ll understand. We all need a shoulder to cry on! Good luck

You needed to talk that night and he was there for you. Ask him not to tell anyone your business. Trust he will respect that.

To be fair, your story while traumatic to you, is hardly likely to be a talking point if it got out anyway. People cheat/have abusive exes. It's not really that worthy of gossip.

Life hasn't been easy for you the last while but you have so much to look forward to. Maybe invest in some counselling if you can to get you back to yourself.

Don't ever feel ashamed you broke down. It sounds as if this was building for some time. I wish you the very best

you’ve been strong enough to walk away from your ex whilst being pregnant so dont underestimate your strength

if this guy does say anything it says more about him than it does you

Who cares if people at work know? Your life won't end if it gets out, and if anything, some people might try and be more supportive.

Sorry if I sound harsh but it's all about mindset. I'm really sorry this happened to you btw. Humans can be shit.

I would just say to him to please not to share anything you told him with anyone.

A decent guy wouldn't anyway, but this will strengthen it and when he says he won't it'll reassure you.

If you're visibly pregnant and currently single, your colleagues already know the bare facts of your personal life.

Is it the fact that your ex cheated that you don't want others to know? Most won't be that interested but those of a gossiping or interested nature could probably make a vague guess anyway.

If you want to keep the cheating part private, you could text the guy and say please don't share any of the stuff I said. Most people would understand this and keep your confidence.

Even if he did share, she may not.

And it really isn't anything to worry about other people knowing. If anything it'll make them nicer towards you. And think you are a pretty tough cookie to be going through all this and not mentioned it.

On a side note, block the ex completely and do not whatever you do, put his name on the birth certificate. You don't want an arsehole like that to have any reason to be in your or a child's life going forward.

You're not a fool. It sounds as though you need some support. Do you have friends or family to help you? Your colleague also confided in you, it sounds as though his work relationship isn't common knowledge so he is trusting you not to gossip just as you are him. I understand how you've lost all faith in men though. You've been treated appalling by your ex. He is subjecting you to systematic abuse.

You can apply for an injunction against your ex. This protects you and your child from being approached or threatened by the person abusing you; called a non molestation order. You can also get an occupation order which stops your ex contacting you or attempting to see you. Women's Aid, Refuge or the Citizens advice bureau will all help you to apply.

You will heal in time but need to cut all contact with your ex.

You're ex is emotionally abusing and threatening you which is taken seriously as an offence. Keep any correspondence or threats from him as proof. You can contact the police if you feel in danger.

As pps have said, be kind to yourself don't be ashamed, none of this is your fault.

Think about if he did say something and that person told someone else.. 3 days and people would get bored of talking about it and it will die down.

• hopefully he won't say anything but just if he did it will die down.

Even if he did tell her - you have literally nothing to be ashamed of. You have been hurt very badly through no fault of yours. If people did know, they would most likely feel sorry for you and hope you're ok! No one is going to say anything or gossip about it.