Turning into a total bch after birth of baby...

[Makeitadouble1]

Name changed for this one.

Morning. Just want to pick some brains here and see if this has happened to anyone after they've had a baby. Bit of a rant ahead so bare with me...

I gave birth to my first child 3 months ago, been with my DP for 3 years and have 2 step children... Since I've given birth to my own all my priorities have changed, my perspective on things, my patience and how I feel in my relationship. It's like a light switch that has flicked on and everything has changed.

I feel like I've turned into this HUGE nag and all I do is bitch at my DP literally everyday because he will just not listen to me. Its the smallest things as well that become big things. I'll give you a few examples...

I absolutely hate it when he leaves a charger plugged into the wall not attached to anything.. He does this next to her next to me bed, gets up, unplugs his phone and leaves it like right next to her on the bed.. Which I keep saying is a strangulation hazard if she wakes up and grabs it. Yet he continues to do it.

He 'cosmetically tidies' which means he does 2 rooms in the house, vacumes the living room and sweeps the kitchen floor but I'm left to do absolutely everything else, cleaning the toilets, dusting, washing, changing the bedding... If I don't do it.. It doesn't get done.
My DP doesn't get 2 days off work together thier spaced out, so I literally can't get any housework done through the day as the babies either asleep and I'm creeping around like a ninja.. Or she's awake and screams if I put her in her little bouncer chair and try to move her around the house with me and get some tidying done.

Everyone says just leave the housework but I'm the one that has to sit and look at it everyday. Then when DP is off work, all I have to look forward to is cleaning the house from top to bottom and my step kids come on those days too so it's just a constant cycle of tidying, cooking, washing dishes... Its just making me miserable.

I know this is what comes with having kids/babies/families but I'm starting to understand why people just end up ending thier relationship and going it alone so it's one less person to think about and cleaning up after. He won't even make a sandwich up for himself!

He watches me break my back trying to organise the house and then undoes all my hard work by dumping all the washing on the kitchen table instead of putting it away after I'd sorted out the wardrobes for this purpose.. If he does the dishes I have to go wash them again as hes basically just dipped them into the water, rinsed them and left food on them. I feel like I'm looking after a man child.

Does it get easier as the baby gets older? I'm sick of snapping at him, I don't want to be like this but I feel like I'm just a parrot repeating the same thing over and over and over again and not being listened to. "can you scrape your plate before putting it in the sink.. You know this irritates me"... "can you put the babies clothes back into the right boxes that I've labelled instead of dumping them all in one'.... 'can you wash your hands before you start touching her face"... Its just little things like that which he keeps doing no matter how much I ask him not to.

Do i need to just shut up and chill out or is this a common thing when you've had a baby and suddenly feel like you're just here to serve people? (not the baby but everyone else) also.. Hats off to single parents doing this alone. Like how are you even doing that?

Also I should add, ever since I've known him he's been at loggerheads with his ex wife over the kids, he has them 3-4 nights a week (I've looked after them when there's been clashes in his and his ex wife's work schedules) on top of me working full time myself... But I've just spent over £100 quid on clothes for them as when I was organising thier draws they have no clothes left here that fit them... He doesn't think about if they need shoes/clothes... He bought an xbox game last month for £45 and I went ballistic because muggins here is forking out to clothe his children and he's buying xbox games! I'm just at my wits end. I used to think his ex wife was a total cow as all she does is yell at him but now having my own baby I can totally sympathise with her and I think it's something you just don't understand until you have a child of your own.
Me and the baby are fine, she actually chills me out through the day and I sit and chat/play/cuddle her... But everything else is just getting me down. I've talked to him about it and it's just landed on deaf ears.

When I was on maternity leave I hated the sight of my husband I had no head space for him at all we were having massive arguments . At that stage I wouldn’t have cared if he’d been hit by a bus
It did get better and we fine again now.

That being said he pulled his weight in the house and your husband not pulling his weight with his kids and that whole thing with the Xbox game and not clothing his kids would send me savage.
Have you told him to buck up his ideas

I’m always dreadful after I have a baby (one of the reasons we have two when DH would like another). I don’t know what happens but I suspect it’s hormonal, and I’m tired and impatient and short tempered for the first 6 months. I’m also way more argumentative so that things that wouldn’t bother me normally or I wouldn’t engage in a row about become a bit of an issue.

That said, some of those things are a bit rubbish. He should be buying the clothes, why did you not just ask him? Re: cleaning, we just got a cleaner, it was so much easier, just 2h a fortnight at that stage to keep on top of the house. But he does sound like hard work

Ah I'm so glad it's not just me then. I can hear myself nagging and want to stop but it just comes out like I just erupt.

We didn't have the money to buy clothes with him being furloghed and me on maternity pay so I upped my credit card limit and paid for it on that. I just felt bad that they don't have clothes here and it's always down to thier mum to have to send clothes with them.. They have 2 parents he should be making sure he has stuff here too.

It's mental.. Before I got pregnant even during the pregnancy, I used to be quite laid back about the housework... Like ohh I'll do it later.. But now.. Its like I just want everything to be organised, clean and tidy so I know exactly where everything is if I need to grab it.. Its embarrassing when people come round you feel judged.. And I just keep telling him I've got one pair of hands I can't do everything!

I have raging hormones lol I'll be glad when they settle down. My baby hates her pram.. She literally wants to be upright seeing everything.. So I've just bought one of those baby carriers you strap on to yourself.. Hoping to go for an hours walk a day so she gets some sleep and I get some exercise... Win win.

Get a cleaner and get him to pay for it. Now you know why he split up with his ex.

I could have written your exact post when DD was tiny, except I wouldnalsl look at DP sleeping peacefully while I was awake all night and plot to leave him and think how much easier it would be to be single!

A few different issues I think. Firstly if you have a Velcro baby like mine was, you need a sling which you can wear whilst you are cooking and cleaning etc. They love being close to you, you have your hands free to do other stuff. But secondly it sounds as if your standards are possibly too high. You can either knacker yourself out trying to meet them, or work on lowering them. The charger plugged into the wall thing is definitely nothing I have ever worried about and we always keep ours plugged in. Baby got to two without incident so far! But thirdly your husband is taking you for granted. I think the baby alone is not the issue, it is that you are being used as free childcare/cleaner/housekeeper to his other children. You need to set up some serious boundaries. The children are only there when he is there to look after. He does all cooking, cleaning and shopping for them. The problem is not you bring nag, it’s that he is expecting you to parent his children for him.

Exact same experience here, my tolerance level was very low and every small thing would irritate me ! I think while I wanted to divorce my husband for a few months ( for being thoughtless, not cleaning etc!) that’s actually helped me in a way as I realised I let a lot of things slide before/ never answered back or pulled him up if he was rude or lazy etc. So while overall I definitely say after about 6 months or so I calmed a lot down generally my standards have changed and I have higher expectations of him which I think is no bad thing! He is 100% still a man child in lots of ways but I make more of an effort not to parent him too!
Hopefully over the next few months you feel things improve but know how you are feeling now is completely normal x

Took me years to work out that my xh was doing these small irritating things on purpose. I used to do everything. I mean everything. And I had 3 under 3. This weekend I'm doing whatever I want because he has the kids. Honestly, something to think about.