Does he actually like me?

[NowThenTubbs]

Hi everyone, first post although I'm a long time lurker.

So, I've liked this guy I've worked with for about a year. At first there wasn't much convo until we were officially introduced, but we did have the odd eye contact. Since then it's like (for me) chemistry all the way. The conversations were intense (we're political so that was a great start), he added me on FB, etc.

During lockdown we've been messaging on and off. I already knew he wasn't a great texter (I'm a chatterbox banter queen, he certainly is not), but now I'm confused.

Last Saturday he was drunk (so was I) and text me saying to call him whenever, we could do games together, hold on through lockdown etc. Then his phone was dying so he tried to call and it died after about a minute.

Next day I was worried he'd be embarrassed (or regret it, I was so nervous), so text him in the evening saying I was hungover and hoped he'd had a better day. He replied saying he was also hungover, and needed to get his shit together. I said something about lockdown and mental health, no reply.

He text me the other night when a certain football club won the league (I hate football), we had a few texts about how he was celebrating with family, but they cut out. Obviously he was partying with mates, no problem!

But now I think I didn't take him up on his "text me anytime", I've never text him first. Mainly I wait for him to, but if I'm the last one to message I'm scared to do it the next day!

I feel like a teenager, and I'm not. I'm a 30 year old divorcee! Please help me out. What should I do!? My previous partners have been witty texters who keep in touch. This guy isn't but I do know he's into me! I just need help with the dialogue!

Ahhh he sounds confusing! You did say he isn’t a big texter so maybe he’d prefer a phone call instead

Ring him up and ask him out on a simple low key date. Lockdown is over. Grasp the nettle

All of this is so silly. Just ask him if he would like to meet in a park for a picnic or a walk. You need to start interacting with him in person. If you're unsure about how he wants to progress, just ask him. What have you got to lose?

Ahh, I'm glad I don't sound like an idiot! We've never been to out together before, so I was thinking (I'm a wimp, I know) of messaging HIM for the first time tomorrow and saying I'm melting (it is bloody hot), and mentioning that I'm going the park this week. And if he doesn't catch on I might ask him. Does that seem alright? I'd be way more straight forward if it wasn't for the texting and then no replying after four texts this week! Even though he initiates them! Argh!

We've never been to out together before, so I was thinking (I'm a wimp, I know) of messaging HIM for the first time tomorrow and saying I'm melting (it is bloody hot), and mentioning that I'm going the park this week. And if he doesn't catch on I might ask him. Does that seem alright?

Goodness. Just ask him outright! You're not a young school girl, for goodness sake. All of these silly games are just pointless.

Blimey, I'm the last one to play games...I'm just nervous! I've been out of the dating game for 6 years, so I'm a nervous wreck to be honest. I'm confident in myself but I HATE being embarrassed!

He either says yes or no. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Set yourself free from all of this pointless insecurity and take control.

Yes, but I still have to work with him. I see your point, and I agree, but what I'm asking is for a hand hold with the dialogue and a helpful nod in the right direction as to whey he fancies me or I'm just making a fool out of myself.

Some people are just rubbish at texting, I am, all my friends and family know it. They just need to accept I'm not chained to my phone.

I see your point, and I agree, but what I'm asking is for a hand hold with the dialogue and a helpful nod in the right direction as to whey he fancies me or I'm just making a fool out of myself.

No one on mumsnet is a mind reader. You aren't a mind reader, and conducting a "relationship" over text is literally the most useless way to figure out anything. If you want real answers, you need to be direct.

I totally get how nervous you are. I would text and just say 'hey would you like to meet for a walk in the park this week?" Let him know which days you are free and take it from there. Good luck 😊

Yes you need to be more obvious. If someone texted me and said it’s not I’m going for a walk I’d think that’s nice.

Sorry to put a bit of a downer on this but you are agonising over whether he likes you and how to arrange a date. Have you thought through the consequences of dealing with a work place relationship and possible break up? I bring this up because I've just witnessed 2 colleagues get together, date for a few months and then break up and the break up was made more stressful for one of them because she was overthinking what other colleagues were saying and how they were judging her.

He doesn’t sound that into you, to be honest. If he were a random stranger, you’d have little to lose by asking him out, but I wouldn’t go there with a colleague unless we were obviously very into each other.

You're being too shy with texting, I'm guessing you're down south as it's a lot colder today and will be tomorrow. You seem to be suggesting texts that pussyfoot around too much, which could actually give the impression that you are not that bothered, and the longer you drag this out without any braver step in the right direction, the more likely it will fizzle out. Does a trip to the park sound a great idea for someone in their 30's? There's a risk he might leave you to that activity, not because he doesn't like you, but it lacks imagination, it's not the most exciting of ideas now that things are opening up. How about a drive-in movie?

I am afraid that I am team ' if he likes you you would know and he would make the effort '
Good luck though.

hey i feel you

its so nerve wrecking when you been out of tge dating scene !!

one way to tackle it is maybe get a small group of people together and ask him to join ( takes the pressure off) or just ask him straight up for a coffee there can only be 2 answers yes ( great) no ( move on)

Thanks everyone! Sorry I can't reply individually!

You're right, I'm being a little shy. I think I'll text tonight and ask how he's doing. If he replies I'll put feelers out about doing something this week; at least I'll know then!

I think I was mainly concerned I'd look desperate because he didn't reply to the last convo (although he started it), so it'd be a double text albeit a few days later. That isn't a big deal, is it?

I'd love to have a few people there too, but organising that would be a bit of a nightmare at the moment...wish I could though because it'd be perfect!

if getting people together is not an option then just bite the bullet and ask him if he wants to join you for a walk/coffee

once you press send you will feel relief & you’ll know where you stand either way be proud of yourself!!

keep us posted ( if you want)

You're right! I'm just being a wimp. I'm pretty damn sure that he does like me anyway, and we don't work directly together so it's not like I'm putting myself in a bad position. I'm just socially inept at dating! 😂

hi op

how did it all work out?