Forgetting why I LTB

[WhereamI88]

Does anyone else feel that they're forgetting why they LTB? Ex DH was mysoginistic and angry and tried to bring me down all the time. But I somehow need to keep reminding myself of the bad times all the time....it's like he was bad but not that bad so why did I leave...

Write a list of all the different times he was a wanker and things he did. It may be long.

Have this list either on your computer (this helped me as I'm always on the computer so could open it when I wanted) or on paper. Look at it when you need to.

Even seeing the sheer number of reasons/incidents will probably help.

Time heals and that's why People go back, because they forget how they felt at the time.

I no why I left but this feeling of not caring has over come me today.

Thought and emotions are bloody annoying

I worry that this will be me. I think that feeling is what keeps alot of people in relationships that they may be best of out of.

Try not to look back with rose tinted glasses x

I'm the opposite, I'm at the stage whereby I only remember the shit times and wonder why I ever got together with him, let alone stayed....it's been 16 years 😂

I split up with a boyfriend after 3 years, 1 year ago and am now at the he's shit stage with him too 👍🏻

Keep remembering how it was just before you left him.
Ask yourself, now that you know him, would you date him if you had just met him today?

I know exactly what you mean, it's a funny little mind trick, isn't it? I think our brains are drawn to what's familiar so they keep trying to suck us back in. You can see why so many women go back and forth from abusive partners for years.

I did find a list of everything bad helped. I wrote it on mumsnet and then I used it as a thread to help me leave.

I just feel like he chose to stay with me for so long he can't be that bad...I know it's my own terrible self esteem at work but at least I sort of felt wanted in a twisted way. My current partner is decent and respectful and the total opposite of my ex in every single way but I can't help feeling "what if /yes he had horrible mood swings/made me walk on eggshells/ was horrible to me regularly" but 1) I'm not perfect and 2) I never felt unwanted. At the time I was desperate to leave but now I think I probably thought the grass was greener and I have learned my lesson now. The divorce was so awful I never recovered. I lost a lot of money and all my friends even though I did nothing wrong. There was no actual violence, I should have stayed. It's wrong but it's how I feel every single day.

For some reason I can remember the good times so easily but I need to look back at texts and really actively remind myself of the worst moments. I just wanted to know if others do the same.

I went through something similar but no divorce, it was just a bad breakup.
I honestly convinced myself I'd made a mistake, I was going to regret this decision forever. Until I looked back at old diary entries and forum posts I wrote while I was with him. I was in complete shock, I was reminded of all the bad things that happened. The bad immediately took over all the good memories and it really helped.

Sit and give yourself some time to remember and write out the things.

I found some threads from before I really realized what my ex was like that showed his attitude to stuff- it was very enlightening.

Writing a thread is good because you get other's confirmation that you did the right thing and he was bloody awful. Not that we should need other's confirmation, but it can strengthen you. xxx

I go through this around once a month, I have to ask someone to remind me why I LTB. They do, and I can continue with my life.

We have short memories. That, coupled with rose tinted glasses, is most probably the case.

@WhereamI88 yes it's your self esteem at work. Terrible thing.

You LTB for good reasons, don't forget that. It will be hard but I'm sure you overcame a lot to make that decision and get through it.

For now, I'm sorry you don't feel the same spark with current partner. Only advice is to try become happy with you and the possibilities you are bringing to your own life. Once you are in a great place you may feel able to appreciate what your partner brings to your life.

In terms of perfection; noone is perfect and most of us are far from it. Don't beat yourself with that stick 😉

I’m quite the opposite.
The bad times are always at the front of my mind and memory, going off like klaxons. The good memories lie hidden. Apart from our children

@WhereamI88

For some reason I can remember the good times so easily but I need to look back at texts and really actively remind myself of the worst moments. I just wanted to know if others do the same.

I do exactly this! I’m in a great relationship now but quite often I feel the way you describe. I don’t have any answers other than the reminding yourself of the bad stuff but I wanted to say you are not alone in feeling like this

Thanks everyone, I just needed some validation that I'm not alone in thinking like this. Rebuilding my life has been a lot harder than I expected so I still have a wobble now and then.

@WhereamI88 I am nearly 2 years on. I didn't love him, quite often didn't even like him, but I still question myself "was it my fault".

I have not been with anyone since, maybe that's why I have these thoughts🤷🏻‍♀️