I long to go no-contact with abusive brother but we co-own land

[FizzAfterSix]

My brother and I inherited 19 acres of meadowland outside Guildford. We put a covenant on the land to protect it being built on as we are very `green’. However, he is quite abusive and derogatory and dealing with him is an enormous strain. The land requires quite a bit of management, so we are often in contact.

I suffer from depression, a few years ago took an overdose and nearly died. When I reached out to my brother desperately needing support (I have no other family and was struggling to leave an abusive relationship) he took no interest and only got in contact with me some months later as he wanted to borrow money. The worst of it is he is a sanctimonious pillar of the community type but utterly humourless, cold and cruel.

My health remains precarious and dealing with him sometimes makes me have suicidal thoughts. I did offer to buy him out of his share of the land but he said no. Now I am thinking of asking if he would buy me out, but I suspect this is unlikely as he doesn’t have much money.

I desperately want to go no contact with him but am obviously unable to at the moment. I doubt he will buy me out so I wonder if it is possible to sell my share in the land to a third party? A neighbour overlooks the land and recently got in contact to complain about walkers roaming over it (there is a public footpath along the bottom and sometimes people wander about - it really it really doesn’t bother me as if I’m not using it is nice to know people are enjoying it within reason). He would be the obvious person to buy it as his garden adjoins it.

Obviously I need to talk to a solicitor but this suddenly occurred to me and would be a wonderful release from the drip feed misery of dealing with my brother.

Presumably you can sell the land to whomever you choose, with the covenant it won't be worth that much I would think.

I don't mind about the money, I'd just like to be free.
I've tried so hard to get on with him but I'm 57 now and just want the misery to stop and to be free of him.

Sounds like a good solution. If not, are you in a financial position that you could give it away, perhaps to a suitable charity/green organisation. Or even to your brother, just to get yourself free?

I would just sell it ASAP

I think the neighbour is the best bet as his garden adjoins the land so it would extend his garden considerably.
Yes I could just hand it over to my brother - we've left it to a wildlife charity in our wills so I could just do that now. but part of me thinks in a few years I might regret it as it is a lovely spot and I grew up there
I'd just like to deputise dealing with my brother to someone else for a few years!

If it's not worth much, could you just give it to him? Or can you split the land? Give him 10 acres and you take 9?

I've heard so many stories of brothers undermining sisters, doing them out of inheritances and the rest of it. Perhaps I should start a thread about that!
I'm sure there are many lovely brothers but I hear more stories of brothers mistreating sisters than the other way round.

@Ohyesohyeah that's an interesting suggestion. But it's a large parcel of land that can't really be split up as there are various ecological initiatives going on there.

One solution might be to retain the land but engage a 3rd party to manage it on your behalf - similar to a landlord of a house that sub contracts the management to an estate agent who then deals with rent collection, finding new tenets and maintenance etc.

There are land agents and solicitors who would provide this service.

Obviously there is a fee for doing so, but it would mean you could instruct them to deal with your brother but still retain your share of land and input into decisions making without ever having to speak to him directly.

This might be a solution if you want keep it, but otherwise I'd speak to a solicitor about the option to sell to a neighbour.

It's impossible to say if the terms of ownership mean you are allowed to do this without your brothers consent and sometimes the set up is you can only sell to the other owner or have to give first them refusal.

So the first step is to know your rights in terms of your ability to sell, who to and any veto your brother may have.

Knowing that makes it easier to chart a course forward.

Sorry another thought.

If you've left your share in your will to a wildlife charity another possible option might be to come to a legal agreement with them to manage the land on your behalf and deal with your brother without a fee on the basis they will eventually own it.

It's an incredible gift you're offering so they may well be very receptive to the idea as long as there is a legal agreement in place so you can't change your mind after they've managed it for 5 years for example.

I'm not sure the neighbour could extend his garden into it, sounds like it will always need to remain separate.

Perhaps donate it to the charity now or sell it to them for £1 so you can retain your right to roam on it for your lifetime? They will have legal people that could tell you what is possible?

Thanks @DeRigueurMortis and @RandomMess, I shall explore your great suggestions 👍

No problem and good luck!

It's a lovely thing to own but there's no point ruining your health over it.

That said I'd be wary of just rolling over for your brother and giving it to him because I think that could also cause you angst/distress regarding how he has forced you into this as a result of his behaviour.

As such I think either selling or coming to an agreement with a 3rd party to manage the land is your best option.

Randoms suggestion of a right to roam is a good idea to explore in return for management but I think you might not need to go so far in handing over ownership now if you have a legal and binding agreement they will inherit in return for day to day management.

The other benefit here is that if your brother is as "green" as you suggest it's hard for him to criticise you handing management to experts whom you've both agreed will eventually be gifted the land.