Why am I feeling like this about an ex?

[VodkaCranberry2]

Does anyone else compulsively check their ex’s social media? I don’t know what’s going on and it’s making me feel really confused and awful.

I was with my ex for six years, from ages 17-23, we lived together for 5 years and had two cats, no kids. It was a very unhappy, sexless relationship. I had no support, he depended on me financially, I gained a lot of weight because I felt so unattractive and felt like I didn’t have anyone to impress because he never made me feel good about myself. He was so lazy and let me down on multiple, important occasions. He then left me for another girl from his work.

I moved on pretty quickly after a couple of weeks feeling heartbroken. 4 months later I got into a new relationship and we have been together for a year and a half, and have an 11-week-old baby together.

I’ve always occasionally checked on my ex’s social media, just because I’m nosey. But for the past week I’ve been checking it like every day after finding out he and his girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) split up. I’ve had urges to follow him and thoughts about what would happen if we got in touch again.

Last night I had a dream that I still loved him and I’ve woken up feeling really weird about him and worrying that I’m not over him.

Now I feel like I’m cheating.

I don’t understand, because I am SO happy with my partner and so in love with him and our baby. He is my best friend, we are a team and he treats me better than my ex ever did. We have a great sex life and he’s a great dad and I just feel so content in our family unit.

I no longer find my ex attractive, and I only have unhappy memories, so I’m not sure why I’m feeling like this?

Is this something I need to talk about with my boyfriend?

I’ve always occasionally checked on my ex’s social media, just because I’m nosey. But for the past week I’ve been checking it like every day after finding out he and his girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) split up. I’ve had urges to follow him and thoughts about what would happen if we got in touch again.

Maybe because if you ended up with him it'd feel like you'd 'won' rather than the other woman winning if you see what I mean?

I wouldn't tell your partner- how would it help? Unless you mean because you truly might want to get back with this guy (which you say you don't really.)

I have OCD quite badly and often feel guilt about my thoughts/past actions (things that I haven’t actually done wrong). The only reason I’d tell him would be to ‘come clean’ in a way. I would never ever want to get back with my ex. @NoMoreDickheads

I think it could be a few things. I agree with what pp says, but maybe also something about trying to win back someone who's rejected you.

Also you've just had a baby, which is a big life change and can sometimes cause you to reminisce somewhat.

I would block from social media and try and focus on what you do have - you have won, ultimately!

It's just sent your OCD into overdrive. I say just, but you know what I mean, I hope . It's no different from the other times, it doesn't mean anything.

Have you posted about this before? It sounds familiar.

Rejection is horrible. My first boyfriend (when I was 15!) rejected me, it was a bloody awful feeling and while I have a great life and i'm now 30, married with kids I occasionally still think of him and there's a pang of pain in my tummy. It's not him - it's the feeling of being rejected. And all the emotions i'd invested.
He only comes in to my mind when I'm bored and have nothing to think about - so would suggest keeping yourself busy, getting up and doing something else when he comes to mind (I once alphabetically ordered a bookcase).

Block him or get off social media.. no good can come from this. You don't need to know what he's up to.