How to try to have fun when trying to repair marriage

[Mocoboco]

Me and my wife are trying to save our marriage from the fact that she no longer feels physically attracted to me or in love with me (but still loves me and has always enjoyed hanging out).

Part of what we want to do to try to help is to try to spend more quality time together, which we've had hardly enough of in the last 18 months due to new daughter.

But since this issue came to light... it feels quite hard to just hang out without trying to talk about us and figure out our issues. It feels like there's always this pressure to do that. But that is incredibly emotionally draining and not fun at all. We have to do it sometimes sure, but not when we're trying to relax and enjoy each other.

Has anyone been in this situation and has any tips?

(PS we have also just started counselling).

I think you have to behave like you are dating when you do stuff together. Talk about what you are doing together and other things that are going on in your life.

Otherwise, your entire relationship becomes nothing more than the process of the relationship.

Do you only talk about the problems in your relationship because that is all you have in common anymore?

Like previous poster said, behave as you guys have just started dating, but you have a bit of an in as you know what the other person likes. As for practical ideas: take a bit more care in your appearance, random flowers, offer a masaage without trying to lead to sex (unless she shows clear signs she wants it to lead there) and tell her it's just for her, no expectations. Try your hand at some cooking. Baaicalky woo her. Obviously, ideally she should try and give you a real chance at this, really keep an open mind to you. So talk a bit about this, but don't keep banging on about, tell her your plan, see if she is receptive, and set about actions.

You could try Pokemon Go, it's fun and healthy.

Or watch comedy series together, an episode a night or something.

If you mostly have a similar point of view on some things, you could have YouTube channels you both watch, then discuss or appreciate them together.

I know this is all kind of 'matey' stuff, but it'd give you stuff to do and talk about that's not dissecting your relationship.

I think book some activities to do such as a zoom baking class or music event etc so you have something else to talk about.

Try to do what new couples do. Plan a picnic. Hold hands when out walking. Impress with your cooking/BBQ skills. Have fun music on while doing chores. Get a babysitter/family member to look after the DC so that you can do something together. Hard in lockdown, but things are slowly opening.
But it's hard if the lack of attraction is on your mind.

DH and I really enjoyed a zoom quiz together the other week after we put the kids to bed and a few drinks.

You both have to make a conscious effort in this. It's not just you

Ok so what works for us...

Get some wine and put you tube on tv. Take turns picking songs.

We started it as a desert island disc thing then evolved into things like:

First single purchased
Favourite festival band
One that makes you laugh out loud (star trekking!) etc

We do this for hours and it never fails to make us laugh.