Why is being codependent seen as a bad thing?

[ScottishStottie]

Just musing about this really.

Myself and dp are close, we work together and are both fairly introverted so spend a lot of our free time in the house. Through lockdown we have been with eachother only literally 24 hours a day for 3 months and enjoyed it.

When doing tasks (from work things to housework to cooking dinner or going to the shop) we both do it and help eachother/keep eachother company.

On another thread i mentioned helping dp with work and someone commented that it seemed very codependent. Been thinking about it and agree that it is, but dont see ir as bad?

Its all things that we could do alone, and its not like we 'need' eachother to do things, but we enjoy being with each other and helping eachother whenever we possibly can?

Does anyone else have a relationship like this?

Can't it also be used, for instance, when a parent raises their child to never do anything round the house or for themselves generally?
Therefore they never leave home as they can't look after themselves and the parent gets to feel needed and not have an empty nest.

I had a relationship like this when I was younger and my friends genuinely hated it. I think they thought it meant I was weak on my own and couldn’t do things by myself but that isn’t the case at all.

My now husband works away a lot so I’m a lot more independent in this relationship but some people are just happier in that kind of partnership, I don’t think it reflects badly on you at all.

I saw that thread yesterday too. My parents did everything together or for each other and I wondered how they would cope if one of them died. DF died last year; DM quickly became very independent. Their marriage was just a lovely marriage where they liked doing things with and for one another. It sounds like your marriage is like this. I think this is fine and healthy.

No it's not codependency, however it can be potentially unhealthy if you don't have any hobbies/friends/interests outside of the relationship.

There is codependency (unhealthy dependence on the person, can't do it without them) and inter-dependency (working together towards mutual goals, but can do it without them)

for 3 months we've spent literally 24 hours together everyday

I find that a bit weird. Just because I would find it suffocating and get bored of him It would be like having a Siamese twin.
You have no separate interests or wish to do anything without your dp? Don't you like being alone sometimes?. How would you feel if dp went away for a week or something? If the answer is anxious or distressed, lacking in confidence to do things on your own , feeling like you've lost a limb, then perhaps that isn't great.

It's lovely that you're well matched and enjoy each other's company but as with nearly everything in life, balance is everything.

This sounds like my relationship with DH. We do most things together even if we don't need to. It's more instigated by him but I don't mind Sometimes I do like to get out on my own, but generally we in just spend time in the house together. It's a nice way to be.

That’s not codependency.

I think if this is a choice it is fine but it becomes a problem when you feel you ‘can’t’ do things independently. Like feeling unable to spend a night apart so you can’t go on a city break with friends or more extreme turning down all socialising that isn’t as a couple.

Our 24 hours together has never been an issue, but we are not always doing things together iykwim? For example we would spend some time with dp playing his ps4 and me doing a jigsaw, so other than me commenting in things in the game that im half watching, we are doing our own thing we just prefer to do our own thing in eachothers company.

We are both able to spend time apart, just prefer not to. For example we have both worked away for a few days at a time without issue, have gone away with friends etc. Obviously i miss him when hes away, but i dont sit around pining for him.

I think whats brought it on in some ways is that we were long distance for the first year of the relationship. So we enjoy being able to spend all our time together which we couldnt do at the start.

I suppose if it works for you both?

There might be a chance that your life becomes very "small" if your company is only each other. You say you're both introverts and "prefer not to" go out do things alone. Sometimes it's healthy to spend time in different company, different opinions and life experiences of others give a richness to life in a way. I can be quite introverted but usually if I make an effort to get out, socialise, exercise etc I always enjoy it far more than I thought I would

I don't know, you sound happy and there are probably many couples like you. I start to get irritated by everything my husband does if I spend whole days alone with him; the way he eats crisps, even the way he breathes sometimes! We have been together for 22 years if that makes a difference?

Reassess if you start wearing matching outfits and start finishing each other's sentences when in public

Loving your partner and enjoying each other's company is not co-dependency. Did you really think it was?