Ex girlfriend - am I being unreasonable?

[43Today]

Hi all, I have done loads of lurking here but very little posting - now it's my turn to ask for advice.

I recently met a very nice man on a dating site and we've been seeing each other for about 3 months. We both have kids, he is divorced (9years ago) and I have been separated for 4 years. After his divorce he lived with someone (henceforth referred to as 'Ms X') for 7 years and became like a stepdad to her daughter, now a mid-teen. They split up over a year ago, at her instigation, and he was devastated as he loved her very much, though he says he is over her now. He has been out with someone else for 3 months early this year, and now me.

Anyway he is a great guy in so many ways - really attentive, kind, good in bed, good dad etc- but I am having a big problem with his relationship with Ms X.. He goes round to her house for tea, she cuts his hair, she came round to his place on Sat night when his kids were visiting and they spent the evening (til 9pm) together. The other weekend he and I went to London for a romantic (ie shagging!) weekend, and bumped into her daughter on the train home. As soon as Ms X found out from her daughter that we were on the train, she rang his mobile and asked him to buy some milk and drop it off on the way home (they live in the same town), then 10 mins later another call saying not to worry, then the minute we walked in the door of his house another call to thank him for giving her daughter a lift back..

Is it just me or is this a bit much? I happily admit to being insecure, plus a bit of a cynic and have always been suspicious of male/female friendships anyway - but with an exgf it seems even worse! He has described her as his 'best friend'..

I hate to think of myself as a paranoid controlling type of person, but I feel myself getting very concerned.. please tell me I'm getting things out of proportion!

Thanks

• Some friends they had when a couple are coming down to visit and they are going to go out as a foursome.

• He still has photos of them as a couple displayed in his living room

Totally unacceptable in my opinion, i would run and fast!

Do you think he is keeping his options open in case she gets jealous enough to take him back?
Sounds like she is enjoying manipulating him and he is happy to let it happen.

i totally understand the alarm bells...BUT my dh is a really good step dad to my kids, and i know w won't split up, but if we did, i know he woudl still see them and be close to our family. But the milk thing..hmmm...that is a bit controlly, a bitlike calling pu to show you that he will still do things for her. or maybe its just nothing.

As a result of various opinions from you all I decided that the best thing to do was to tell bf what I was thinking (in a non-confrontational un-paranoid sort of way of course) because my worries were getting in the way of our relationship moving on.

I managed to do it last night without demanding that he never see her again or anything mad like that - I just said that I felt his relationship with Ms X was surprisingly intimate considering how long they had been apart and that it made me feel that he wasn't emotionally free yet. He was surprised and said he felt he had moved on heaps since we started seeing each other and that he was much happier; I said that was great and I was really pleased to hear it, but that many people would still think that their relationship was rather involved! I also pointed out that probably alot of other potential girlfriends he might meet would think the same..

Result - he agreed that he would start to disentangle himself more from her daily life, and said he was crazy about me and didn't want to lose me - and I said that I had absolutely no problem with their friendship continuing like a 'normal' friendship, the sort he has with his mates, and that maybe he should introduce me to her soon..

So I feel a lot happier with everything and thanks to all for your views because they really helped me to work out how to approach the problem - hurray for Mumsnet!

Well done you.
Just make sure you see him doing it before really letting yourself go head over heels.