Break ups - are you ever 100% sure?

[sensitivesoulman]

My sister has been thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend for a while now. She is always saying 'I'll give it a few more weeks/months and then make a decision'. He treats her nicely on the surface (buys nice bday presents, is affectionate) but can make disparaging comments about her job (she is not as well paid as him) and her emotions when she is upset, as well as being very non-committal about the future.

I think deep down she knows that she needs to end it and is coming to that realisation. Will she ever know 100% that she should end it or will there always be a doubt in her mind? It's hard for me as her brother to listen to her when she is so upset yet keeps giving him second, third, fourth chances etc.

Sometimes it is easy to be very sure someone is not right for you and it is a straightforward decision and process to end the relationship. You look back and remember the good times but you don't regret ending it.

Sometimes you know someone is good for you but you don't feel the way you should and you end the relationship with more sadness and regret because you know this person would have treated you well and cared about you . But you need to be in love , so the regret fades in time.

Sometimes you are with someone who is bad for you and mixed in with the original feelings or love and passion are ones of despair and insecurity . These are the kind of relationships that can become almost addictive and can be very hard to leave. The patterns that are created in these relationships can be very damaging .

It always saddens me when I think that it is often easier to leave a healthy relationship than an unhealthy one.

She will eventually leave him. She just needs to get to that point. She is making progress towards that. So keep listening and supporting her.

Firstly what a kind caring brother you are! Secondly she does know deep down, I think it takes times to be ready to end things. Im sure she will she just needs support until she feels ready to do it.

It's human nature, head Vs heart. Her head has figured it out, she just needs her heart to catch up.

As long as she keeps focusing on why she wants to leave, and how it makes her feel (heart) when he treats her poorly, she'll get there in the end.

Talk to her, support her but don't try and force a decision. People have to come round to the realisation in their own time.