Feel so frustrated

[whattodo202000]

I am a first time mum and have a 2 week old newborn. I am getting so frustrated with my DH and am not sure if it is post natal depression. Even though he is on paternity leave he is still out of the house every day from about 9am till lunch time and makes excuses as to why he has to go out. Every day he keeps inviting people over and is currently sat in the garden drinking with his mates while I’m caring for our baby. He is yet to do a nappy change, clothes change or anything. I just feel so lonely and feel like I am a single parent with zero support. When I raised this with him today he told me I should go to the GP she tell them I have post natal depression. I just feel like I would like some help and would like us to have a day/evening of peace without in-laws, his friends, etc over till late evening. I feel like I can’t relax in my own house and feel pressured to entertain and provide 24/7 care for our newborn. Really could do with some advice and feel like I am at the end of my tether.

Firstly - congratulations on your new arrival!

Secondly - your DH is behaving like an arsehole. For some reason, he seems to think it is entirely your job to look after your newborn. You need to disabuse him of that perception promptly. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he may genuinely be unsure as to what he can do to help, particularly if you're breastfeeding, and may be feeling rather helpless. That shows a huge lack of imagination on his part but you may need to start spelling things out to him and start actively involving him in parenting. If you're breastfeeding, that means he does his fair share of everything that doesn't require breasts. If you're bottle-feeding, he can be doing that too. And in fact if you are breastfeeding, you could perhaps try expressing the occasional feed and have him bottle feed your baby with the expressed milk.

And you can tell him you don't have postnatal depression yet but you almost certainly will develop it if he continues to do absolutely nothing to help you with your new little one. He needs to get with the programme.

Absolutely he should not be inviting guests to hang out. It's natural to have grandparents round when you feel ready - I should imagine they're very keen to meet their grandchild - but your house should not be a social hub at this point in time. And you should not be entertaining anybody.

The fact is he is getting this seriously wrong and it shows great immaturity on his part. He may, however, be feeling somewhat overwhelmed by the reality of parenting. That's very common, too, and it's common for people to try and run away from it. He needs to realise that your life as you knew it - socialising at the drop of a hat etc - is temporarily suspended. This particularly intense period will pass but right now he should be focussed on you and your new little one.

Wow , your partner saying go to the doctors because you wanting peace with your new born baby in your house is postnatal depression is kind of abusive in my eyes . What a dick . Do you think he's struggling with the change or has he always been like this . I hope things get better for you op it's hard enough being a new mother let alone having to deal with all this xxx

Saying you're mentally ill because you want/need him to help with the baby is psychological abuse.

If you feel depressed then see your GP by all means, but he should still help you- expecting him to help is not unreasonable or 'mental.'

Congratulations on your new arrival!

It’s such a huge change having your first baby and you’ll still be up several times per night. It’s such a special time and your husband is being so inconsiderate. Try talking to him again and explain it’s too much having all these people over all the time and how you want to enjoy this special time. It’s normal for your hormones to be all over the place after having a baby - two weeks is not a long time - everybody gets a bit of baby blues afterwards it doesn’t mean you have post natal depression. Certainly doesn’t sound like depression, you are the one doing all the caring and looking after your baby.

Your husband is completely wrong! Have you passed him the baby to do a nappy change, burp them etc?

Ask him directly, why aren't you doing anything with the baby?
Why aren't you using paternity leave to be a dad and husband?