Can it be possible DH doesn’t realise how EA he can be?

[Ivebeenthinkingtoomuch]

Things have been going wrong for years really and we’ve nearly broke up a few times now but he always begs me back and I stay for the kids.
Problems are I think he can be borderline emotionally abusive and I really don’t think he realises he is, he just thinks he’s right! It’s killing the fire I had in me! I get upset and then feel maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion and it’s making me crazy.
My best friend is begging me to leave and my mum has said he’s bullying me.
I’m just done today and don’t know what to do ☹️

I hear you with the guilt. I am separated now, but it took me a long time to work up the courage. I used to go to the library in spare moments on my own and research abuse as I wasn't sure if that was what I was dealing with - just as you describe in your thread title. The guilt I felt just by picking up a book about abuse was immense, it's ridiculous. Then actually bringing it up in a postpartum support group was another level of guilt. This was before I came (with immense difficulty) to accept that my husband was aware of the effects of his actions and that he did it on purpose.

Please do leave, he sounds nasty and sexual coercion is awful. xxx

Don't let him love bomb you back this time.

@Bunnymumy

He knows. At best, he just doesnt care and at worst he intends to do it. If it is describable as 'bullying' then it's going to be more the later.

He is essentially the playground bully who feels good by making you, his victim, feel bad.

This. I used to think like you. I stayed in a 20 yr marriage. It didn't get any better, and I should have got out sooner. Don't be me OP.

I find it very easy to minimise his behaviour so I need to remember what he has done and how it makes me feel. I’ve been doing it for too long.

Thank you all for listening to me and making me feel a little less crazy

You can do it. You'll be much happier - you know this - and life can be hard enough to navigate without a lump of misery attached to you who only wants to make sure you know how wrong you are about everything.

You can do it. Get your mum involved! I'm sure she'll encourage you and help you.

@Jux

You can do it. You'll be much happier - you know this - and life can be hard enough to navigate without a lump of misery attached to you who only wants to make sure you know how wrong you are about everything.

You can do it. Get your mum involved! I'm sure she'll encourage you and help you.

It’ll definitely nice to be able to go to bed without waiting to be groped or feeling guilty about not wanting to have sex with him.

how horrid

Make a password protected list on the phone of all the mean things he does.
This helps so much when they're trying to reel you back in or when you have 2nd thoughts.

I wouldn't tell him you're moving out until you've already leased a new place.

Get legal advice and go from there.
You'll feel much better without his abuse dragging you down.