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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotional support from others...

2 replies

Pickle48 · 25/06/2020 15:10

So currently having some relationship issues - and one area that I am trying to explore is emotional intimacy. In short, there is none and I've come to the conclusion that it's damaging and is probably a key driver as to why there is no action in the bedroom.

From my perspective I know why - my upbringing has created a personality where bottling things up, putting a brave face on and suppressing emotional expression is the norm. I'm working on that....

Obviously asking her would be the easiest - we're not great communicators. But it got me thinking ... she has a number of friends that I'm sure she confides in - also very close family members that she has very close relationships with. She has one male friend in particular whom she has known for longer than me - they are very very close friends but for various reasons I know its nothing more than friendship. They message every day, they have more common interests than we do.. but at the end of the day she has known him longer and that friendship was in place when we got together.

Is it unreasonable of me to think its unfair that she has these connections with other people, more than me? Ive told her that I am becoming increasingly unhappy, but six months into that convo nothing really is changing. I've suggested counselling but she hasnt been that proactive. She is either unhappy but wont tell me or she is happy with the situation I guess

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 25/06/2020 15:29

I don't think you can say that your standard behaviour is bottling things up, closing off and repressing your emotions, and then be upset that your girlfriend isn't sharing her feelings with you. That's pretty much a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Aerial2020 · 25/06/2020 15:37

I'm not sure what you're asking, you're annoyed she speaks to her friends? (Doesn't matter if one is male)

Since when does a boyfriend replace established friendships??

Why on earth does she need counselling? Sounds like you do to discuss why you find this threatening.

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