Could I be forced to communicate directly with my abuser - DC dad

[Parenting1]

So going to family court with ex, he was abusive towards both dc and I. On top of that ex is saying I must communicate with him directly about dc. Currently going through my sister for all communication unless in an emergency. Can ex get the courts to order me to communicate directly with him?

He has already affected my mh and having a third person reason helped manage that

No. They may order that certain information has to be passed to him. But they won't order that it has to come directly from you. It's fine to go through your sister.

He is just trying to make you feel beat down again. He doesnt like your sister providing a buffer as it makes it harder for him to frazzle your mind.

I think you can also speak to your court representative about this and see if more can be done to protect you.

If you do ever need to communicate with him personally, do so only on one method of contact and do not reply to anything unless it is regards to childcare arrangements.

It's great that your sister is helping you with this though :)

Thanks @BunnyMumy, all information gets sent to him if he wants any other information that gets sent straight away. He is definitely trying to get under my skin and it's causing such anxiety. Had to get my doctors to prescribe an antidepressant but I refuse to let him keep beating me down.

On one hand he has stopped all video calls with DC because he feels it has a negative impact on DC (I would hold the phone but not talk or be on camera), it doesn't dc will be showing ex stuff and playing and he isn't interested, but then is saying he thinks we need to communicate with each other directly because it's important for them to see us talk. Well which one is it.

My sister is amazing, she has been so helpful, even doing handover's. I think ex hates it because she is a really strong person and will put anyone back in their place.

He just wanted to use those video calls to manipulate you too but you weren't dancing to his tune.

He may hope that stopping the calls will make you feel guilty in some way that his son isnt chatting with him as much. So that you agree to speak with him on the calls.

He is basically trying to manipulate you into letting him bulldoze back into your life. Any way he can. Don let him. And tbh, the less contact he has with your son the better anyway.

Your kid is getting older now too in time will hopefully realise of his own accord that his dad is dick.

Tell your sister to keep a record of all their convos. That way if he tries to claim that your sister doesbt communicate effectively or some other shit, you'll have records that show otherwise.

I agree with bunny. As long as you can prove he is getting communications in a timely manner no one can force you to speak with him directly.

He is trying to chip away at you

He wants direct contact, so he can continue to abuse you. Speak to your Solicitor about it...with abusers a third party can and should be used where direct contact would impact on your wellbeing.

You've got a brilliant sister.

Did you have a thread about his insistence on these video calls a couple of months ago? Where he was trying to force you to do video calls with MIL as well?

This happened to me. I asked for screens to be put up and separate rooms when out of court. Ring before the day at your family court and state you want this. My ex managed to attack me whilst in court when I walked in. Don't take your safety for granted.

My whole family has been great, all rallied around me so ex can't contact me.

Just really worried a court will say that I have to communicate directly. In all honesty I'm hoping he will just get bored and leave us both alone

If he takes interest in another woman you might find he'll give you space for a bit. Until that ends and then he'll materialise again. And so on and so forth.

But in a few years time he'll have no excuse to try to contact you as your son will be able to handle his own contact arrangements with his father (if any). So theres light at the end of the tunnel there at least.

There are online services for communication. Things like Ourfamilywizard. It’s a way you can communicate without having a family member in between. It also nicely documents all that communication. So it’s easy for you to show you are keeping him informed and if he is only allowed to contact you through the service (except for emergencies) than everything he says to you is documented too.

@Purpleartichoke I think that is something to consider for the future but exp has a way of being really nice and then turning.. my sister being the middle person takes away any feeling she just tells me what I need to know.

@Bunnymumy you're right, need to remember this isn't forever even though it feels that way.

@SandyY2K, no I haven't posted about the video calls before but this isnt the first time I've posted. Name changed in case exp looks on here as he knows I've posted in the past