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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My relationship is falling apart

5 replies

Marie2468 · 25/06/2020 11:59

My girlfriend told me today that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. She has been acting distant the past month or so. Just not being as affectionate, feeling disconnected and just things feel off.

I have been struggling with my mental health for a long time and understandably with lockdown and my partner and I being forced to be together constantly these past few months has taken their toll because she has had no time to recharge her batteries.

She says me being ill and crying when I have depressed days has taken their toll. She has run out of energy and feels she tries to avoid me.

She said she still loves me and is in love with me, she just feels it has been so long since she has seen my personality that it can't help but effect how she feels.

I am having therapy and I am trying my best but obviously things havent been easy with lockdown and not being able to utilise my normal coping mechanisms such as going to the gym and going for coffee with a friend.

My heart feels broken that she says she doesnt feel the same. I completely understand that she is exhausted. I just feel like a massive burden and she is better off without me :(

Living with her whilst she is distant and disconnected is unbearable for me. I hate feeling like I'm trying to be close to her and I can't reach her. I feel alone and so does she.

This situation is making me feel worse :( I think we need space and time apart

OP posts:
Marie2468 · 25/06/2020 13:32

Anyone?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 25/06/2020 14:32

I agree, I think some time apart may help here.
It's affecting your MH more being there.
Do you have family you could go to?
It must be hard for her as I've no doubt living 24/7 with no escape with someone with depression must be very hard going.
Are you getting out at all on your own?
Long walk or a run may help?
I'm assuming you are on medication? Is it helping?
If not then please book to see your GP to discuss this.

rumred · 25/06/2020 14:33

Sorry you're feeling so bad op.
On a practical level, can you meet up with friends anyway? Walks are free and great for poor mental health.

Perhaps also have some time apart so you can both recalibrate? You may be able to see things more clearly. And perhaps talk to a counsellor/friend/helpline about your feelings. It's good to get an outside perspective when things are going badly.

I hope you feel better soon

ThePathToHealing · 25/06/2020 21:42

I really feel for you. It's not easy for either of you.

Do you have a care co-ordinator or a CPN? Does she have any MH issues herself? I moved out for a while and only saw my partner at weekends. It meant we tended to do things together and things felt a little normal whilst I made progress in therapy without feeling like I had to pretend things were better than they were.

I also had to face the truth in that I put too much on my partner when I needed to reach out to others, friends, family, the Samaritans etc. Not saying that's true in your case but if a family member or mutual friend knows they can help support you both as a unit.

LockdownLady1 · 28/06/2020 22:12

This is what me and my partner were going through. Lived together and lockdown it all has become too intense- I have MH issues too. He said he didn't know how to cope with me being depressed etc. So I have moved out and decided to live apart and still see if we can work on the relationship. To many that would be the end but I think if you both have that love for each other and clearly you both just need a bit of space, then what's to say in time it won't all be okay again. It does sound like staying in the same house is not good for either of you right now.

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