Sodding Tinder

[Nadiawithalessexcitingj]

Arghh, I’m so bloody annoyed at myself!

Beginning of lockdown (remember that!? It feels like a lifetime ago) I joined tinder thinking I might get some interesting conversation and line some dates up.
Anyway, I joined and it was an experience to say the least. Right at the beginning I started talking to this man. I’m going to be honest about it, I didn’t find him physically attractive but I liked talking to him. We had a lot of mutual interests and he seemed fun. I really didn’t find him attractive though.. as in I don’t know if I could have sex with him. He was very full on at first until we sent some explicit messages and then he cooled off. This annoyed me and I called him out on it to which he denied it. Anyway, I just stopped replying to his getting more and more infrequent messages and left it.

A few weeks past and he got back in contact. By this point I’d been talking to quite a few new people and had forgotten about him for the most part. I decided to just have a purely sexting (tmi, sorry) situation going with him out of boredom. That worked kind of well, he’d contact me once every few weeks. We’d sext and then I’d be the one to end the conversation and I’d think no more of it but something changed in me the last time it happened and now I feel weird. I suggested meeting up when things stabilise a bit and he said something along the lines of ‘I’m sure we can arrange something’. I took this to be a brush off and went a bit cold.

Tbf I don’t really understand him. Weeks pass without hearing from him, yet he’s always the first person to like/watch my stories on social media.
I now really want to meet him 🤦‍♀️. I think it might be the idea that he’s not keen thats made me want to more.
I don’t know why I feel this way. I don’t even know if I’d be able to bring myself to sleep with him if he looks much worse than his pictures. I’m wondering if it’s the so called rejection.

What do I do? Should I just not reply next time he messages me whenever that may be? It’s bothered me for the last two days and I’m annoyed at myself because I can’t even pinpoint what the problem is! It’s like I’m annoyed at him but I don’t really know what he’s done wrong...

If you desire that much then just get in touch and arrange a video call to see if you fancy him.

Is it because he's not chasing you and you want the challenge .... even though you're not sure you want the prize ?
Is he playing games with you ? Why so long in between the messages ?
I've had guys like this and after a while it just gets boring but they are always in your head for some unknown reason !
I would also agree with the video call - you might be pleasantly surprised by him.

Listen to yourself.
You don’t find him attractive, he sent explicit messages (presumably unwelcome) early on, you had a disagreement with him, he picks you up and drops you as he pleases. You gave a complete stranger your social media details. Why? You need to be careful and work on your boundaries.
I think you should block and move on. Hopefully there are no clues about your address etc on your social media. Try and look for someone more respectful and interested in you.

Is it not possible to meet a man other than on social media rubbish.? It sounds like a nightmare flicking through dating sights, with all the odd bods out there.

And how do you know he's not married/a DP OP?
Read your own post. This is futile.

Yes I know this is utterly ridiculous. I’m just going to ignore him next time he makes contact.

We have snapchatted a fair bit so I do know what he looks like on a average day to day basis and I can’t say I find myself thinking I want to rip that shirt off you .

This is going to sound awful but I think it’s the fact that I’m used to people chasing me and he hasn’t really. He always comes back but I don’t know whether he really has any intention to meet up. I kind of would like to though. I may not find him attractive but I’ve always been able to look past that if I like someone enough. I think I just don’t like feeling rejected.

Just realise this is all a game to him.
It's a version of negging.
He does it to as many women who'll respond.
He does what works.
Just block him. These types are never worth meeting.

@Nadiawithalessexcitingj
It's good that you've realised this about yourself early on. I am the same and only after months of wasted time have decided to move on.
Don't waste anymore energy or time on him x

But you’ve been hot and cold with him? Sounds like you’re both playing games with each other.

You've sexted, it's raised your oxytocin levels, you feel "bonded" to him - it's one of the hazards for women in particular with FWB situations.

You both sound very immature to be honest. If you want something good don't play games. This man sounds like a dud to me.