Starting from scratch at 31

[JustBeingMoi]

My husband and I have come to an agreement it is then end. So a chappy few years of abuse, my confidence is at rock bottom, I have no self esteem.

How do you start from scratch at 31 with a toddler. I'm going to be waving goodbye to my home, financial security, a marriage I though was forever and a 13 year relationship.

Please can I have some motivational tales of starting out again on your own, with a toddler in tow. Feeling pretty miserable and alone at the moment.

I left my husband when I was pregnant with our first child due to him cheating (there's a lot to it but that's the basic!) We'd been together for 10 years, bought a house and were financially comfortable. I was very lucky and have a good support network around me, but my confidence was shot to bits and trying to adjust to motherhood and deal with the fall out from me leaving was hard. My baby is one now and I've started to get my life back. Use your support network whether it's family or friends, make sure your ex pays you what you're entitled to and see if you're entitled to any benefits to help you get back on your feet.

There is light at the end of the tunnel I'm still single but I've got my gorgeous baby and am working on a good career. Meanwhile my ex continued sleeping around and is now cocklodging with another mug (he's cheating on her, yet has somehow convinced her to buy a house in the area he wants to live ) and has realised what's he's lost, so I know he will never be happy. Feeling miserable and alone is perfectly normal but it does get better. Good luck to you and your toddler, you deserve better than to be in a miserable marriage.

I’m doing the same, but I’m a couple years younger than you. It’s painful but I’m telling myself it would be more painful and damaging to the toddler to stay. We can do this

Thanks ladies. I just feel like everything I've worked my adult life for, is disappearing. I'm not a materialistic person, but its pretty demoralising. I mean honestly I'm not up to the idea of another relationship any time soon, because frankly the idea terrifies me. Be after a 13 year relationship I wouldn't even know where to start, and I'm a less than appealing proposition!!! 31 year old divorced mother of one, financially and emotionally screwed!

@JustBeingMoi

Thanks ladies. I just feel like everything I've worked my adult life for, is disappearing. I'm not a materialistic person, but its pretty demoralising. I mean honestly I'm not up to the idea of another relationship any time soon, because frankly the idea terrifies me. Be after a 13 year relationship I wouldn't even know where to start, and I'm a less than appealing proposition!!! 31 year old divorced mother of one, financially and emotionally screwed!

😂 that was me! Stayed single a few years, met a lovely guy, 6 years later still going strong. You'll get there!

@JustBeingMoi

Thanks ladies. I just feel like everything I've worked my adult life for, is disappearing. I'm not a materialistic person, but its pretty demoralising. I mean honestly I'm not up to the idea of another relationship any time soon, because frankly the idea terrifies me. Be after a 13 year relationship I wouldn't even know where to start, and I'm a less than appealing proposition!!! 31 year old divorced mother of one, financially and emotionally screwed!

This is exactly how I feel so for now, my focus is on me and my baby and maybe one day someone will come along but they'll have to fit in with us. I'm not settling for anything less than we deserve! you will be absolutely fine

@JustBeingMoi

Thanks ladies. I just feel like everything I've worked my adult life for, is disappearing. I'm not a materialistic person, but its pretty demoralising. I mean honestly I'm not up to the idea of another relationship any time soon, because frankly the idea terrifies me. Be after a 13 year relationship I wouldn't even know where to start, and I'm a less than appealing proposition!!! 31 year old divorced mother of one, financially and emotionally screwed!

We should make a thread for ladies like us. Although I’m 41 with two kids under 8.

Your feeling battered now but it won’t last honestly. I fresh new year is around the corner and age is in your side! I’m ten years older and need Botox

I really really recommend reading the book ‘too good to leave too bad to stay’

Even though the decision is made its actually really good at making you understand why you will be happier leaving. It was a real game changer for me and now I’m looking forward to my new happier life. I felt really positive after reading it because.

Financial security comes and goes. Lots are people are in the same boat as you now. I’m starting work in September - used to work in our office but obviously that’s not a good idea as frankly I can’t stand the sight of him

This is just your new chapter

31 is a perfect age to start single life with a job and child.

The material aspects does hurt especially if a major lifestyle change but you can rebuild as lots of time. I have a smaller house but in a friendlier area and nothing could tempt me back to the bigger house.

Whatever you build will be yours and you will be wiser. I loved my 30s, much better than 20s so don't feel its falling apart but all falling into place.

I have felt so alone over the last few months, what with lockdown etc. But I really don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for the Mumsnet community. It has made me see my relationship clearly. It has made me look at myself. It has helped me make the most difficult decision of my life. Thank you all for the advice. @Carlottacoffee I will read that book, it sounds helpful.

I was 29, 2 DC (10 and 11) and had to start from scratch. Literally. Moved house and didnt even have beds for my DC to sleep in, no furniture and a shit load of debt the ex racked up in my name.

Now happy engaged after 7 years, 2 additional babies, saving for a house and half way through my degree.

It is daunting but you will look back in 10 years with a smile at how great your life became

@JustBeingMoi

I have felt so alone over the last few months, what with lockdown etc. But I really don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for the Mumsnet community. It has made me see my relationship clearly. It has made me look at myself. It has helped me make the most difficult decision of my life. Thank you all for the advice. *@Carlottacoffee* I will read that book, it sounds helpful.

Yes it’s been tough - especially with the longer lighter nights.

Fill your time with loads of naff self help books, there are some really great podcasts - some good ones on bringing up children, self esteem ect.. I listen to bed times stories on podcasts too they are great and stops your mind from crucifying you. I listened to horror ones the other week which was a bad idea 🙈

What are you doing for work? What are your plans?

@carlottacoffee. The long days are hard. My husband did move out for a period in January and February, and it was so much easier last time than this time. I was able to go into the office for a start, for some adult company an conversation, but the days felt easier, because they were shorter. I'm on self help book overdrive at the moment! I've amazon kindle'd the book and already made a start! Its helpful so far.

The book give me crystal clear clarity on why I’d be happier leaving and it sort of gave me a different view in things. Plus loads of other things came up I hadn’t actually even thought about. So by the time I’d finished it I was bloody grateful that it had finished which took the edge off.

This weird time will pass soon and things will
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