31 weeks... gone!

[31weeksgone]

I’ve posted several times about emotionally abusive ex.

I’ve done it, our rent contact is on its way signing it on Saturday, and I’m using my overdraft for the deposit until my UC is paid.

I’m so emotional, I keep crying at the sight of old photos or songs on the radio.

I KNOW it’s for the best, but I feel so bloody lonely and alone in going through this. We weren’t married, but together 7 years and we have a settlement through solicitors so it’s just as painful as a divorce. Also have to cope with DD having shared custody (two nights a week, maybe three)

Anyone got any tips or advice on what to do to keep myself busy? How to cope with shared custody? Etc etc. When will I feel better?

I know it sounds dramatic but I do feel scarred by this, I don’t and can’t ever imagine wanting to meet someone else. Or other children etc.

Sorry, I just needed to vent. I’m happy, and also sad.

It’s still raw op, in time you will meet someone of course.

Best of luck

Oh, you are amazing! This will be such an adventure.

I became a single parent for the first time before my eldest was born. I was unemployed and we were homeless and lived in a hostel - so you're already doing better than me. I focused on seeing the two of us as a team - against the world.

By the time he was 1, I had a flat and went to university when he was 2 and a half. I didn't 'date' but I did meet eventually someone and we married. Split up when I had a 13 and 6 year old. The eldest is now 21 and just going into his final year at university. I'm a teacher.

It's been the most wonderful adventure!

Make the most of the time your daughter is with him - this is your time to rediscover who you are, to pursue hobbies, practise self care, learn a new skill - whatever you want to do! It'll take time - the first weekend my ex had the children, I spent the evening in my pjs, eating takeaway and feeling lost. I ordered a book from Amazon for the second time and eventually took advantage of my nights off to join a band, have dance lessons, join a choir, exercise...

What I found was that everytime I did something for myself; everytime I made a decision on my own, I felt better and stronger.

You've already taken the first step. You can do this. It might not feel like it at the moment, but you can and you will ❤

Freedom

I think I’m going to try for some counselling, I’m terrified of what everyone is going to think of me, leaving very financially secure settled lovely man, but not knowing about what goes on behind closed doors. What will school think of me, what about shared friends and family. MIL already hated me so she is clapping her hands at me being gone again. I’m just so so exhausted of it all. A month or two to go until I move, counting down the days mainly. Thank you for the great advice @ItIsGoingToBeAmazing that’s exactly what I needed, perhaps I’ll buy some new books/gym equipment something nice to do when I’m on my own or I’ll just sit and cry until she’s back. Thanks for cheering me up @Sugartitss and you’re correct it is freedom @we1rd

You're welcome!

And don't worry about school. Make them aware and they will keep an eye on her for you. My daughter went through a terrible spell behaviourally, which lasted for around 6 weeks, and the school were fantastic.

I appeared to be very capable but kept dropping the ball - they fed her without judgement when I got her to school on time and in uniform but with no lunch and they turned a blind eye when she took lunch but was late.

They also provided emotional support for me if I needed it.

Seriously, I would do the same for any child or parent in my class.

We had a triple whammy of shit as a family when my marriage broke down but 6 months later life was grand.

This is your chance to make your life look how you want it to.

Oh and people generally won't judge. They'll assume, if anything, that things must have been pretty bad for you to leave.

Also, reach out to people for support. People don't want to look like they are intruding or being nosy but I found support in the unlikeliest of places.

Thank you, it’s really kind to hear someone else that’s been there and done it. I’m ashamed to say all of my friends are happily married and I come from a set of parents married for 30 years plus, so it’s all very new territory.

I get that. Most of the people I knew were married too.

I joined a choir and ended up with a whole group of single/separated/divorced/married friends and had a great time for a few years until it was time to move on. I'm still in touch with some of them now. We went on days out, for meals, youth hostelling weekends. The ages ranged from 21 - 53.

I know it feels pretty bleak now. I felt my whole world had crashed around my ears. It happened at the beginning of the November. I gave myself until the New Year and then decided I had two choices - that would be the year that everything was shit because of what had happened the previous year, or it would be the start of the rest of my life.

My social life has settled down now. I'm back to a few good, trusted, close and reliable friends, some good hobbies, I have my job and generally life is good.

I dated a bit but wasn't interested in anything serious because my children were my priority but now I've been seeing someone really nice for around 9 months. No idea of it will last but it's lovely.

You will be fine x

Sorry, my point about the choir was that you just dont know who you're going to meet and what the next few years has in store for you.