Having the relationship talk...

[RelationshipTalk]

I'm a bit out of practise!

I've never had a what do you want from a relationship? or what sort of relationship are you looking for? type of talk but I think I need to.

Have other people done this? How did you bring it up?

TIA

Anyone?

How long have you been dating? Probably better to have the talk face to face or mask to mask

Hey, are we exclusive? For now, not a major issue if not, just want to know where we stand, and if this is leading anywhere, or if we are just having fun.

Mask to mask

Before the date I like to find out.

Haha, I like 'mask to mask'!

Sorry, i should have said. We've been dating for a few months and have met up for socially distanced walks and we are each others support bubble because neither of us have family. We've already agreed that we are exclusive.

Are we 'casually exclusive' though? Committed?

just want to know where we stand, and if this is leading anywhere, or if we are just having fun.

Yeh, this really!

I've only ever really had casual (but exclusive) relationships. I feel ready and old enough for a grown up relationship now

Not really sure how to bring it up though. I think I need a script!!

I hadn't really thought about it before but relationships over 35 seems far more complicated than I remember them being at 17!!

Exclusive means you aren't seeing anyone else. I have no idea what 'casual exclusive' means, sounds like something you made up to complicate things.

I read it on a thread on here, tbh.

Apparently, it means you're not seeing anyone else but the relationship itself is quite casual so there are no expectations of plans for a future beyond the next date/week/month even if you've been seeing each other for a while.

Which is what all of my relationships have looked like really.

Are you in love with him?

I think around 6 months when you've got to know the person well enough to know if they are long term relationship potential, future plans normally just start happening don't they? if he's really keen on you hopefully he'll bring it up. Or just talk about what you would like in the future and see how he reacts?

You've only been seeing each other for a few months OP. What exactly do you want at this stage? He has agreed that you are in an exclusive relationship, which means neither of you are sleeping with anyone else. Seems about right for a few months.

Are you in love with him?

I don't know, tbh!

All of my previous relationships have been exclusive but intense and short lived and I havent been interested in a future with them. It was really all I could manage at the time. This is more of a slow burn and I'm just not really used to it.

I think I am in love with him and theres definitely a spark/chemistry but theres none of the intensity. Which I understand is probably a good thing.

I've noticed little changes - more in the things he says/way he refers to us but I dont know if I'm reading things into what he says because I want it to be more.

Op, what I was saying is the script. Seriously, I feel people complicate this too much in their mind. Just ask, no going round in circles. There's nothing offensive or weird about asking where you guys stand.

Maybe it's just me, but around 23yo I got fed up with the games and the guessing gah. So I was straight up from that point, once I was getting in serious like with smb.

“You've only been seeing each other for a few months OP. What exactly do you want at this stage? He has agreed that you are in an exclusive relationship, which means neither of you are sleeping with anyone else. Seems about right for a few months.”

This. I think it’s too soon to put labels like “committed” on this relationship. If I were in his shoes, that would scare me off. It sounds like it’s going well and going exclusive is very promising but I think basically you’re looking for guarantees ie that you can afford to get emotionally involved and you won’t get hurt. No-one can guarantee that. He could say he’s committed now and still fall for someone else a year from now. Or you might. You need to let the relationship evolve at its own pace, at least for a while - give him the opportunity to show you he’s committed through his actions. That would be much more valuable than words anyway.

The reason I ask about love I suppose is that how it went in my relationship, we were exclusively seeing each other but when we told each other we love each other that was the point it was then natural to start looking at it as something with a future and we started talking about the future more X

JustC yes, that's probably what I'll say. I like the way that's expressed. Thanks.

Dery I feel very out of my depth that's all! But I see what you're saying.

Doordine that's probably a bit of the issue. We haven't told each other we love each other and I've known in the past that I didn't love someone and also that I wasnt going to. I don't think I've ever loved anyone really if I'm honest. Except for one man. I did love him but I also knew it wouldnt be a long term thing even then. But I did love him.

For me, it was always enough to like them now and be happy enough to see them next time until it wasn't anymore. But I always knew it would end at some point because something about them made them unsuitable for the long term.

I suppose I can see the potential with this man and so I'd like to know if he does too. But maybe my perspective is skewed because I've never seen the potential with anyone before!

Thanks for the responses.

Goodluck OP. For what it's worth, my now husband was the guy who gave a balanced answer. No big promises of being the love of his life, but not freaking out either. Just that he saw as as exclusive and that he could see us going somwhere, not as just having fun no strings attached.

That makes sense. I wish you all the best with your conversation - hope it goes well X

No big promises of being the love of his life, but not freaking out either. Just that he saw as as exclusive and that he could see us going somwhere, not as just having fun no strings attached.

That's all I'm looking for really. Am I someone he can see potential with or does he already know this is just a short term thing?

I saw him last night but it wasn't possible to discuss it. Our weekend plans should give more opportunity.

There's lots about our relationship that make us look like an established couple but then there have been aspects of my previous relationships that made us look like an established couple too. Only, in my head, we weren't. So actions aren't always reliable!

Goodluck OP. Hope it turns out a great weekend either way.

This dating world confused me. In my day you went out for a few dates and it was just exclusive!

Davincitoad mine too!! Fortunately, I met him IRL. I can't be doing with online dating at all!

JustC thanks. I'm sure it will be.