This may sound trivial but it's really upset me.
Have been seeing DP for a year. His best friend died from suicide two years ago and he was the last person to see him alive. It has been terrible for him and I can't imagine his pain. I have tried so hard to be supportive and have been there for him through some dark times.
It's been a really important part of his grieving process to have a memorial gathering each year to mark his friend's death. They go to where his ashes were scattered and then go for drinks or a meal somewhere.
His previous relationship ended a year or so before we met. They weren't together when his friend died but he invited her to the funeral as his support. From what I can gather she is very unstable and has a lot of problems. But she is also stunningly beautiful and 27 (I am 42 and he is 38). I have told him that I don't feel comfortable with them meeting up for drinks and her coming to his flat. There was also a point where she was calling him incessantly when he was at my house. It really hurt me and I told him that it wasn't ok. He told me that he would tell her to stop calling and that they wouldn't meet up anymore.
She has been in the background the entire time I've been seeing him. He claims he has no feelings for her but still cares about her wellbeing. He also admitted she came round to his flat in the very early stages of our relationship and tried to sleep with him, too which he said no. He showed me the message exchange afterwards where he told her he was really angry with her and that he would never be unfaithful to me. He said he told me about it because he wanted to be truthful and transparent.
He has just told me that she wants to come to his friend's memorial this year. From what I gather it is a handful of friends (all of whom I've met several times and they all know about me). He says he can't say no to her coming and that she was friends with his friend who died during the time my DP and her were together. I get the feeling he wants her to be there ( I am not invited, which I understand as I didn't know him).
I know he is grieving and I feel Ive played an important part in helping him this year. My father died in a mountaineering accident when I was young so I do understand to some degree.
I don't know why I feel so upset and excluded. I think it's because I know how important this anniversary day is to him and yet he wants her there and not me. He has been very non-committal about his feelings for me to be honest, but he says that is just the way he is.
AIBU to be really really upset by this?! Or am I just being an insensitive, insecure idiot? I should add that I'm divorced after discovering my ex DH was being unfaithful so trusting people is really hard for me.
Any advice appreciated.