I met my boyfriend 10 months ago. I'm 36, he's 43. It was instant attraction and fell in love quickly - we exchanged 'I love you' in three months. He seemed very, very into me - there was no doubt how he felt, it was very passionate. He isn't the most laid back person, and we have completely different political values, so we have debated and argued at times. Some of these arguments have been quite heated, as he is not one to back down, and is quite impulsive and reactionary. But overall he was very affectionate, generous and wanted to spend a lot of time with me.
Things felt very good until lockdown when we spent a week or so together and he did not have a good reaction to that. He emphasised that he needed time to himself. I also understood that we both did not react well to working from home, and all the stresses to do with lockdown. So I moved back home (I live alone). Since then, things have not been great - we argue a lot more. The sex has totally dried up, although we are affectionate in other ways. We see each other once a week, and talk on the phone several times a day.
Another thing that is starting to bug me is how we aren't really making plans for the future - for example, a holiday, or anything. The arguments came to a head, and we nearly split up. He said he clearly isn't making me happy, and he isn't sure about me and he never was! This was quite the surprise for me given how much he pursued me in the beginning. He then explained he isn't keen on my body, that I am not slim or toned enough for him. I am a size 10-12! Even his friends asked what a hottie like me was doing with someone like him. He is into fitness and has a gym at home.
I used to be super lean and slim as I used to go to the gym regularly, but I stopped in the past year or so. Also, he has form for dumping women for physical attributes which I noticed could have something to do with him having an avoidant attachment style.
Anyway I calmly explained to him my body was perfectly fine and walked away. He came running back - and said he didn't know what he was doing, gave me flowers, chocolates etc. Fast forward a few weeks, and I just feel like we're still distant, not having sex, not making plans for the future. I spoke to him again, he says he feels like he just can't make me happy, I am moaning all the time etc.
I do love him, find him attractive and initially thought this is someone I could really see myself with - the first guy ever. He is sorted professionally, financially etc and seemed to have his head screwed on. He does not want to break up, but I am not sure how I can continue with someone who isn't sure about me, particularly at this time in my life. I want a husband, a family. He knows this, as it's one of the first things I mentioned to him early on. He has only ever had one long term relationship, with a woman who was morbidly obese and he ended their engagement because he couldn't handle her weight.
Just wanted some outsider thoughts on this situation please. Thank you 